Always Learning

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Me, ready to teach Zumba

God is amazing!

Previously, I had expressed my concerns over my personality. I shared how, for most of my life, I have been chided on my flaws. This past week, oh this past week, God has freed me from a bondage I deemed righteous.

God does not condemn me. He gave me this dust I am an and, as long as I cooperate, will use it for His glory! I don’t need to be all smiles. I don’t need to try to worm myself into meaningful relationships. I don’t have to strive for what once was. God sees me and knows me where I am and loves me where I am. That is so FREEING!

I used to teach an online Zumba class.  It was hard finding a job once I got certified so, teaching online became a way I could express myself and keep building my skill set. Eventually, I landed two substitute instructor positions. I was more than happy to sub for someone. Within seven months of this whole process, I became pregnant with Baby Grace.  I had always seen myself as a fit mom and I decided I was going to be a fit pregnant woman too just like other woman I had seen. Welp, Baby Grace decided differently. Shortly thereafter, and after many cancelled or shortened classes, I stopped my online class and the paying gig I landed because I just couldn’t do it.  I felt like a failure.  Ever since then, I was looking for ways to claw my way back to my previous fitness level.

Once Baby Grace was 11 months, I decided enough was enough. I was going to get back in shape and teach again. I did just that. I began taking classes again, spending time on the elliptical, and putting fitness back into my every day.  I started subbing again and landed a summer long position. All of that came to a grinding halt in July. The gym where I was teaching no longer offered child care. I could not continue working there because it no longer fit my family.  I continued to sub at another location but needed to stop.  My available time to hone my craft (learn new choreography or come up with my own) changed. I did not have the time to devote to Zumba like I used to.  I couldn’t even take the same amount of classes that I used to.

Despite all of this, I felt I had to get back to where I was.  Finally, I submitted to the Lord my thoughts and feelings about this and asked Him what I was to do.  There are times when, once you are headed in a particular direction, we tend to mark out where we are going and expect no changes to that plan.  That is what I did with Zumba.  I expected that once I was an instructor, I would always be an instructor. That wasn’t God’s plan. Just last week, I quite my ZIN membership (Zumba Instructor Network) and, by the time this blog post is published, I will no longer be a licensed Zumba instructor.  I thought I would feel some kind of way but all I feel is relived. That season, regardless of how much I enjoyed it, is over. I trust God to usher me into a new season. I could not go into a new season if I stayed stuck in the former.

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I Should NOT Be This Broken Up About This. After All It’s Only Zumba. Right?

My ENTIRE fitness world was turned asunder.

My relief, my joy, my reason for being excited  three days a week was gone.

My Zumba instructor quit.

Were there other Zumba classes still available at the gym?  Yes.  Yes, there were, but the teacher makes all the difference. The other instructor was very rude.  She would call people out for not doing a move as aggressively as she wanted them too and has the nerve not to dance the entire time herself!  The other substitutes the gym recruited where sub par at best.

I was completely lost.  It happened so suddenly. I didn’t realize how badly it hurt me until the second missed class.  At first, I thought she was taking some time for personal reasons but then I heard she quit.  The truth behind the story is that she did cancel two classes without notice for a family emergency.  No problem.  That happens.  But apparently, the gym didn’t appreciate that and gave my instructor a hard time.  She tried to speak with the owner and clear up how it all happened but they didn’t speak to her kindly at all.  My instructor said it wasn’t worth her time to show up to be treated disrespectfully and she left.

I completely understand where she is coming from.  It was just so hard to digest because she had a following.  Her class was full every week and if you didn’t get there early, you were turned away.

Why was this so important?  I didn’t realize how much I relied on Zumba.  It was my out.  I love to dance and I got to dance three times per week.

I was very hurt by the entire experience and so were my classmates.  Kevin Hart wrote something on Facebook recently that a friend posted.  He said, “They say, “you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone”, but the truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought you’d never lose it…”.   That was my feeling exactly. I never thought I’d have to go a day or a week without having her Zumba class to go to.

I was so hurt and disappointed (dare I be honest and say depressed?) that I did not darken the doorway of the gym for two whole weeks.  That is a far cry from my normal weekly regime which has me at the gym four days a week, twice on Tuesday and Thursday.  I had no spark in my step.

I prayed and asked God for relief numerous times but it turned out I had to grow through it. And grow through it I did.  After the two weeks, I went to the gym once and I felt good.  I went back again the next week and tried to get my groove back because I had to exercise.  After resolving that Zumba would be remiss from my life for an indefinite amount of time, AWE SNAP! My instructor found a new spot and classes are back on!  BOOMSHACKALACKA!

Last week, I had a very long Monday.  It was all I could do to take a shower before diving into bed.  I was so very tired.  While showering, I started to hum a song.  Before long I was singing it aloud (which I never do) and started dancing.  I was confused by my own behavior. I asked myself, “Xara, why are you doing this?  Why are you so energetic and excited right now?  What’s the matter with you?  You had a long day and were just exhausted minutes ago?” Then it hit me.  I HAVE ZUMBA TOMORROW!

The moral of this story: Appreciate what you have when you have it and mourn it’s loss when it’s gone because whatever it was, it was important to you.