Self-care can not be defined or described with just one aspect as I formerly thought. I thought adequate self-care for me was to get out once or twice a month with my husband or girlfriends. I thought everyone, wifommys’ in particular, should have their one thing that they did for self-care. However, the longer you are on this wifommy journey, the more encompassing self-care becomes.

Self-care means making sure you too eat breakfast. Self-care means you too bring a snack if you are going to be out all day and don’t want to purchase food. Self-care means having something nice to wear when you are asked to attend something that requires more than your normal attire. Self-care means masking so you feel nice about the skin you are in. Self-care means smiling at yourself in the mirror as you think and tell yourself that you are pretty.

These are things I do. They won’t apply to everyone but I am using it as an example to show that self-care isn’t one thing, one outing, one activity.  You wifommy are a person. You have varied interest. You are allowed to like more than one activity.  You are allowed to find ways to participate in activities that interest you.  You are allowed to get a pedicure AND have lunch with a friend. You many not be able to do that all in the same day, but you are allowed to do both.  You can not only take your children roller skating, but you can go roller skating too! You can read a book while your child does homework (when they aren’t asking you questions that is). You get the idea.

You must carve out self-care for you.  Self-care is a part of wellness.


Changing My Words To Be More Encouraging

My husband is a hard worker, a very hard worker. He always has been. Recently, he has started working in a new revenue stream for our household. The hours aren’t ridiculous but he is so tired when he comes home that I feel helpless. Pregnancy hormones are not assisting me in my feelings in a good way either. 

I look to encourage him and support him without making him feel guilty for leaving the house. I had to tell Jazmine what to say to encourage her father too. Previously, she would say, “Why do you have to go and leave me to work all the time?”  That used to crush my man. All of my ‘don’t you enjoy eating’ etc comments weren’t swaying her. 

I finally had to break it down to her and tell her that when a man leaves the house, you give him wings, not chains. I told her that the better thing to say is “Thank you for working so hard for me Daddy. I can’t wait for you to come home.”

I’ve had to take a page out of my own book today. I want my man home! I’m feeling lonely and mucho sensitive but I had to catch myself before contacting him to make sure my words share how I feel about him but still give him wings because I know my man. He will stop what he’s doing and come home to see about me. And truly, as much as I want that, it is not seriously necessary today.

So, before speaking, or communicating to him in any way, I will first get myself together and keep the big picture in front of me and not my momentary state of mind. 

That is all.

The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Ever Say!

Last week was hard. Hard doesn’t even begin to describe the anguish of thought, feelings of hopelessness and defeat that I experienced. But praise God! Trouble don’t last always.

After much prayer, surviving off of God’s word (which lead to a new Bible Study and a new devotional), and acceptance of His will, HE DELIVERED!

My husband said the absolute most sexiest thing a man could ever say to a woman that feeds her very essence. He said,

“I will fight for you.”

Say what?!?!?! Those five words opened a dam of affection that had been stopped. Those five words were the release from being in a bad head space, hopelessness, and defeat. He followed up those words by saying he loved me and that he would die for me.  I know those words are true but those first five words mean so much more than the rest of his declaration to me.

I could only smile but I did not simply smile.  I smiled hard.  His words more than just touched me.  They fed me. I smiled outwardly but inwardly, I was beaming from ear to ear.  My eyes even smiled!  I read a lot of books and have read the expression that someone’s eyes smiled although their mouth never moved.  Now I understand.  My mouth smiled, but more importantly, my eyes smiled.

I keep replaying that scene of my husband and I in my head and continue to smile. Not only did he say he would fight for me, he has been backing up ever since. Full speed ahead.

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow

I felt myself coming to the end. I felt me growing empty.  Think of a jar of peanut butter.  You know you are close to the end when you can see through parts of the bottom of the clear jar but you also know that if you use a spatula, you can scrape out at least two more sandwiches worth of peanut butter before throwing away the jar.  That is how I felt.

Hopefullness had left.

Trust had failed.

Words spoken were not kept.

Communication ceased.

I got nervous; unsure.

I could feel all the patience God has grown me to have with his people and trust God has developed in me in Him get to the tethered end. I could feel myself scraping every last piece of patience and encouragement I had and even then continued to scrape to see if I could rustle up some more.  It finally wore out.  I was empty.  I could feel it coming and nothing I did prevented it from happening.

My attitude soured.

I became short with folks.

I closed myself off.

All my thoughts were geared to “how am I going to fix this if failure comes again”.  I stayed completely unplugged from all loud factors; television, pleasure reading, personal projects.  I refused all of it.  I longed to hear from the Lord and I did but it wasn’t what I was expecting.

I expected an immediate refuel of all the patience and encouragement I’d dished out.  I expected a sense of peace that surpassed all understanding.  I expected to once again look on people with love.

That didn’t happen.

The exact opposite happened.

I had contempt in my eye. Arguments building up in my brain to unleash when the pressure built up to be unbearable. Exit strategies began to form. Anything and everything came into play to keep me from admitting the truth.

My feelings are hurt.

I’d been let down.

Because I am not currently emitting loving vibes, communication has been terminated.




As soon as I hitched my line onto the foretold shooting star, it fell. I never bought into it before but this time, this time, I thought things would be different.  I saw the spark again; the determination. I saw assurance and a granite will that things were going to change whether I believed it or not.

That was the difference this time around.  I jumped in hook, line, and sinker.

Unfortunately, it looks like I should have kept my reservations very much alive but quietly to myself. Now I have to mourn what won’t be and accept what is in front of me.  I can’t make it seem any more than what it is. I can’t make excuses. It is put up or shut up time and folks have shut up instead of put up. It’s heartbreaking. Now that I have scraped the bottom of the jar of my emotions, I hope to God that He will fill me up again. It’s been a long time since I have felt this hopeless. Please pray Proverbs 14:1 for me that I may act wisely and 2 Corinthians 12:9 that I most gladly will boast in my infirmities (hurt feelings, disappointments, hopelessness) that the power of Christ will rest upon me for His grace is sufficient. #liveoutloud


I Am Rich

We live with my mother-in-law, but I am rich.

My daughter, my husband, and I sleep in the same room, but I am rich.

My husband drives a hooptie, but I am rich.

In the eyes of my peers, I could have done a lot better, but I am rich.

Iced coffee is a luxury for me, but I am rich.

Splurging for me comes in fits and sputters, but I am rich.

I am rich in the intangibles.

I have a husband who loves me and emotionally spoils me and longs to spoil me with things too.  I have a daughter who I like and not just love. I have a mother-in-law who, although she can drive me absolutely nuts, would do anything to help me.

Sometimes, it is necessary to get still and take stock of what is really important in your life.  I hope you take time today to do the same.

Your wealth is dependent on your relationships; not your materials.




Conflicting Emotions

It’s a little after 10PM.  We’ve had a busy day.  Jazmine is in the bed.  My mom calls; I talk to her. I finish our call and briefly talk to my tired husband.  I am finished all of my roles for the day.  I’ve Mommied, wifed, and daughtered. I was beginning to settle in to time for Xara.

I had no real plans but somewhere in the options was a shower, read a book, watch a show, and/or relax on the couch before bed. I see one Jazmine item still left out.  I pick it up to put it away when my husband asks me to rub his foot.

Instantly, I am incensed.  Hadn’t I done enough already?  I took care of everyone else. I am finished now.  I want to take care of me now. Why does one wait until I look like I am about to rest to have an ‘oh but wait, can you do’ moment?

I sat down, quite resentfully, next to my husband and rubbed his foot. It was not mechanical but neither was it loving.  I did provide some warmth to my touch but the emotional resentment was there.  I could feel the tears in the back of my eyes.  I blinked them away.

When is enough enough for the day? When can I say ‘no, I’m done’?  And here I am, wanting more children. Maybe that is why I haven’t conceived. I flare up at the Wifommy responsibilities I have now and I have the nerve to want to add more children to the mix?

I really had to blink hard then to keep the tears at bay. That line of thinking made me feel bad on top of worse. How can I yearn for more and inwardly fuss at what I have?

So now, I am doing nothing on my original things to do list.  Now, I am writing a post about how discouraged I feel about not being able to call an end to my Wifommy day, being angry with my husband for wanting me to rub his feet, and being ashamed about wanting more children given my inward outburst about what my current household size requires.


Walking Out My Faith

God does work everything out for your good (Romans 8:28) Do not mistake that to mean that because it works out for your good that it in fact feels good or is the least bit enjoyable.

We are to rejoice always and give thanks in everything (1Thessalonians 5: 16 & 18) That does not mean we are to be happy about things that make us sad or that we are to give thanks for everything thing. That is NOT what the Bible says there.

When you get to the end of yourself, all that remains is God’s sovereignty. The song God is Sovereign best explains God’s sovereignty. It says God can do what He wants to, when He wants to, and how He wants to. Job never did get an explanation and he suffered the loss of all he had (Job 38-42, 1:13-21, 2:7) What makes us think we will get any better than he?

This truth rant is brought to you by Xara’s happy-for-others-sad-for-me/ God, You need to explain yourself episode which was brought on quite suddenly and unexpectedly. You think you grow past certain places only to realize that there is more growing to do on a deeper level.

Rejoice with those who rejoice! (Romans 12:15)

I rejoice with the ones who have and will be moving to a new home. I am excited for the yard their children can play in and for the increase in square footage so parents and children have more space. I rejoice with the one expecting a new baby.

I am disheartened to see others continue to receive the desires of their heart while I still daydream about what it must be like to walk into a house that is solely mine and not shared with anyone but my husband and daughter. I have considered whether or not I should stop holding infants to depress any longings to hold our own.

I don’t know how to go through that except to grow through it with God’s sovereignty at the forefront of my mind. God is an eternal thinker (Isaiah 55:8).  His mind is not finite like mine in ANY way.

I went to sleep so very discouraged last night. Jaz could tell I wasn’t myself and said, to help me out, she would brush her teeth, shower herself, and lotion up. I am pleased to say she did an excellent job 🙂

Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him (Job 13:15a)  That is what I am living out right now. I will not back down from my responsibilities (stop washing dishes,clothes, cooking dinner etc). I will listen to the happiness exuding from those who rejoice. I will continue to sow in tears because one day, one blessed glorious day, I will reap in joy! (Psalm 126:5) I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! (Psalm 27:13)

Coming Partial Circle

With the exception of the infant car seat with stroller, the bathtub, and a dress, I have kept every baby item we had for Jazmine up to size 24 months clothing. And when I say everything I mean EVERYTHING. Blankets, infant bath tub inserts, car seats, clothes, clothes, clothes, cloth diapers, socks, bibs, diaper bags, bottles, etc. It was time to give them away. “Our God shall supply all our need according to His riches in glory” without me hording things. I thought it stupid to give away items when planning for another child. But that other child(ren) is not here and there is no expected delivery date for when or how (t)he(y) is/are to arrive. All those items are doing now is taking up space. I was not ready to give them away before because it felt like I was giving up and giving up on what God said. Now, I am ready to let it go and live.

Trying to conceive is like holding your breath throughout life.  I can’t do that anymore.

I wanted all those memories, I mean clothes, to go to a home that needed them. God placed on my heart to donate them to a shelter. I found one and that was in need of car seats and infant boy clothes. Well, I had the car seats but not clothes for a boy. I did have unisex blankets and newborn-6 month clothes.

Packing up all the things I held on to was hard. To go through all the storage tubs and see just what all I had. I told my husband, I could have a baby right now, today and she wouldn’t need a thing (except for diapers and toiletries) for a year! And here I was, picking through it to give away.

The day I was to deliver the donation was a MOPS meeting day. There was a large storage tub size FULL of boy clothes sizes 0-6 months. I told all the ladies, if no one calmed it, I was taking it with me to the shelter. No one did claim it and I donated that as well.

That was a partial circle for me. I had always envisioned myself being pregnant with my twin boys leaving MOPSwap with a hull of infant boy clothes for myself and here I was finding a gold mine’s worth of baby boy items and taking them for someone I did not know.

That was…something. I haven’t come full circle, but I feel like I am at least half-way around it.

Xara, Brian, And Jasmine

(Please note.  This post is riddled with conception terms).

So, last month, I thought there was a good chance that I was pregnant.  I have been using the Period Plus App to chart my periods for years now.  Since we removed the goalie two years ago, I have been using it to chart ovulation based on the you-ovulaet-14-days-after-the-first-day-of-your-period theory.  I gave up on that a month ago. I even considered  purchasing a basal thermometer to chart my temperatures so I could pinpoint when I ovulate.

But then I decided to take the natural route by checking my cervical mucus to see if that would work to tell me when I ovulate. That is what I did last month. I was surprised to see early I ovulated!  No wonder I wasn’t conceiving before. With Jazmine, my body was like clockwork; ovulating 14 days after the first day of my period but it hasn’t been right since 🙂

Turns out I ovulated three days after my period ended. My CM was egg whitish and I told hubby it was time.  We worked hard y’all 😉

About two days after my fertile period ended, I cramped really bad for about an hour.  It felt just like it had when I had the ectopic last year. I still hoped against hope that I was pregnant since I did everything right to get pregnant in the first place. But alas, I was not. The cramping was what it was and my period arrived on time this month.

When I began to bleed, I decided enough was enough. I am tired of carrying around these extra pounds I have labeled as “pre-conception weight”. I am tired of falling for every breast soreness, fatigue, or increased appetite as a symptom for a pregnancy that does not exist. I have had enough.  Since I truly believe that this is in God’s hands and that our family is complete even if Jazmine is our only child, then I am going to live like it.

I began to take my weight lose supplements again.  I vigilantly watch what I eat.  I make sure I meet the minimum exercise requirements I have placed on myself. I do not allow myself to daydream about being pregnant or nursing a newborn. I do not allow myself to daydream about a future with more children in it than Jazmine.  It is just me, my husband, and my daughter. Period.