When God Chooses to Walk You Through Rather Then Remove the Obstacle


Need You Now by Plumb

Have you ever asked the Lord to change you? I have. I’ve asked him to remove things that were so innate in me; things that were at the very essence of me but caused problems in my relationships. It was a very hard time.

I have recently had to take another spin on that Merry-go-Round. Yet another aspect of what makes me, me was presented to me as fecal matter on a plate. I went to the Lord, fully submissive, begging him to remove it from me and make me different.  Although I was submissive, I wasn’t necessarily asking to be in His will. I was asking Him to make the difficult easier for me by changing me.  Although I thought the change I was submitting for was God pleasing, it was not.  Yes, I was seeking to me more like Christ. My plea was to be more loving and compassionate because my strong, sinewy love was not desirable. My compassion lined with a plan of action to help solve a presented problem was frowned upon. Because no one else valued what makes me, me, it must be against God’s word right? Wrong.

I thought because trustworthy people, whom I love, told me my personality make-up was poor was equivalent to the Lord saying “XARA! Pay attention to this!” but it wasn’t.  When he said no to changing me, that is when I could hear His words. My personality wasn’t the problem.  He did not make a mistake in assigning me my intricacies. He knew those same intracacies would cause conflict with others.  He has used, and still uses, those conflicts to foster my growth in Him. That is not to say that this particular DNA of dust that I am does not require refining or that it is not subject to God’s design. (For example, when I don’t want to submit to my husband, I still MUST submit to my husband). But it does mean that I am not ill fashioned and do not need to long for a changing in me of things innately me for the ease of life with others. I can and will trust that God will walk me through each conflict my personality may cause. I can and will trust that He will use it for His glory.  I totally submit to His leading. I can and will trust that He will convict me in any sin or offense I make.

This is not an easy road by any means. I have become accustomed to hearing verbal jabs at who I am. That is not to say that it is any less tiresome. They say to walk a mile in someones shoes is a valuable life lesson. This process of asking God to take something away from me and not having him do it (not unlike Paul) caused me to have a more meaningful understanding and genuine empathy for Christians who have homosexual attractions. There is truly a war within our members.


Stand By Your Man

Husband leaves stained shirt on the top of the dirty clothes pile laid out so the stain is clearly visible.  When asked why he did that, his response was, “So you could see it and put stain remover on it.” Wife responded, “The stain remover is two steps from where you laid your shirt.  You put stain remover on it!”    This is me.

I am not innately nor did I aspire to become that kind of wife.  What is that kind of wife you ask?  The wife that would say “it’s okay honey” to passive aggressive acts her husband does. The wife who has a husband who leaves the light on over the sink to “tell” her that the dishes need to be cleaned and just smiles and washes the dishes.  That is NOT me ’cause I’ll be daggone!

I had been getting a sense from the Lord that He wanted me to work side-by-side with my husband.  I was uncooperative because I did not want to become that wife.  My husband is a dreamer.  He casts visions for people to show them how things can work if they work towards the goal collectively.  His wife, me Xara, is a task master.  I take the list and complete it. You would think we would work together seamlessly.  Not so.

I translate his thoughts into commands and get started then get frustrated when he says “why are you doing that?” because to him, he was just talking.  To me, it was a charge to move forward.  Because of that, I found it…not just difficult but more…never gonna happen with him. I would never volunteer to do ANYTHING for him to help him out unless he was clear, concise, and could explain it to me in detail what he needed or wanted and why he wanted me to do it.  To me if you want to talk to just talk, tell me that in the first place otherwise I think the topic of conversation has a purpose and goal to move towards.

As God began to move me towards working side-by-side with my husband, we started to have honest, deep, honest, specific, honest, example laden, honest, calm, honest, pleasant conversations about what we liked and disliked about each others style and approach to work. He talks and mulls over things aloud with people (brainstorming) before coming up with a framework.  I don’t say squat until I have first outlined the framework.  Those God-led discussions melted away my apprehensions of becoming that wife with my husband.

For one thing, my husband is not that husband so I have no need to concern myself with becoming that wife.  Secondly, the things that I am partnered with my husband to do weren’t thrown at me in a lazy ‘I-ain’t-doing-that attitude. They were simply things that he needed to do that I could help him accomplish.  Mind you, he didn’t even ask me to do anything.  I felt the quickening of the Holy Spirit say I was to do those things.  Example: Make an appointment for the car at the dealership and reserve a hotel room for his school trip.   Thirdly, our working together side-by-side is KEY to us moving out of this house. I want that more than I can tell y’all. I told the Lord I would do whatever He needed me to do to get up outta here!

God eased every area of concern I had for working with my husband.  I pray I remain sensitive to His promptings in this area.

Open Mouth. Insert Foot.

I’ve made four major blunders this year.  I am determined to make the most recent one the last.

I opened my mouth and wrote a check that my butt couldn’t cash.

First blunder.  I can’t remember if I wrote about this before or not.  I will quickly summarize.  Two of my sisters wanted to plan something big for their birthday’s this year.  I was just as excited as they were about planning the festivities.  I verbally committed myself to their plans as early as last summer only to have to turn around and back out on them right at crunch time.  I felt, still feel, horrible about that.

Second blunder.  I expressed interest in joining one of my sisters in an upcoming activity she was doing.  I verbally committed myself to that as well only to have to back out four days before her event.  I am so ashamed of myself.

Third blunder. I planned a get together with three of my sisters in the next few days.  I planned this event two weeks ago.  Today, I had to send a very embarrassing text message (we talk through text so this was not out of the ordinary) cancelling the very event I created.  My head is still hanging low about this.

Fourth (and Lord willing, final) blunder.  A friend of ours asked if I would drop off something to another friend of ours.  I looked at what I was to deliver.  It was information about a trip.  I was so excited and asked them if we, my husband and I, could go along.  I was told we were next on the list to hear about it so absolutely we could go.  Numbers were crunched.  Dates were set. All that was needed now was for us to confirm with a deposit.  Again, I had to back out.

Why?  Why all this backing out foolishness?  I’ll tell you.  Genesis 3:16 sums it up quite nicely.  It says, “Your desire shall be for your husband , And he shall rule over you.”  Sometimes I hate that verse.  I could mess Eve up right now for starting all of this.

About two months ago, my husband drastically changed the direction of our funds.  It was for the best and very much-needed.  The problem was my verbal commitments.  I thought that because I already made my commitment$ prior to this drastic change that my plans would be grandfathered in.  I was sorely mistaken.  Blunders 2-4 came after the funding changes.  I thought I would still be able to participate in blunders 2 and 3 because I spoke with him about it previously (discussed cost etc).  Again, not true.  Things sound real good on paper but when it comes to actually shelling out the dough, that’s when the real comes out.

I started to get angry because I was so disappointed.  My blunders did not occur privately but publicly on a grand scale involving people I love and respect.  I was embarrassed and wanted to direct my anger at my husband.  At various times during my blunders, I have certainly desired to rule over my husband or at the very least bully him into getting what I wanted.  The latter tactic “works” but as Proverbs 14:1 says it would be foolish to pull down my house with my hands.  Manipulation is foolish.

The most recent blunder, number four, was a long shot.  I thought that since the event wasn’t scheduled until next year and that it was for the two of us, that it could work.  Wisdom says if you don’t have it [money] now, don’t bank on it later. I know that.  I teach that.  But that day, my feelings got the best of me and I was going to make it work.  Now, again, I am the heel. It won’t happen again.  I am not committing myself to ANYTHING!