I have looked at moms who had children spaced out in age and wondered what it was that made them want to do it again. What was it that made that momma have a baby when she had a seventh grader and third grader already? Now, I fit the bill. I have a Kindergartener and want a baby. That is an entire six year difference! That means that if I were to conceive today, in six years, I would have a sixth grader and a Kindergartener! Who does that?
Luke 1:36 says this
36 Now indeed, Elizabeth your relative has also conceived a son in her old age; and this is now the sixth month for her who was called barren.
This verse comes after the angel Gabriel spoke to Mary to tell her she would conceive and give birth to Jesus. Our Pastor preached from this verse today. He said, God assured Mary that the impossible was possible for her from what He had already did for her cousin Elizabeth. Elizabeth was already sixth months pregnant when Gabriel appeared to Mary.
That stopped me cold. I have heard and seen the testimony of other mothers who conceived after being told they never would. Who had children, lost several to miscarriages, then gave birth to twins. Who after being told she would never conceive, adopted and then conceived twins. Who after being diagnosed with PCOS had four children. Who after trying for years to conceive again after her first child without success, had a baby boy 10 years later.
God has already assured me that the impossible is possible for me from what He has done for others around me. I have no choice but to believe God.
(Originally penned 2013)
About two Sunday’s ago, I could feel the Holy Spirit telling me to go up from prayer about conceiving during altar call. I kindly refused. Last Sunday, I could sense Him telling me the same thing again. This time, I acted confused first before I kindly refused.
The two selections at church yesterday were Yes Lord and I Surrender All. As Yes Lord was being sung, and I singing along as well, I became convicted of the words I was singing. When you sing a song to God, it is like making a covenant with Him. I was singing that I say yes Lord to His will and His way but I have to be willing to do it. At the time, I had no idea what I was saying yes to specifically. I was just agreeing to say, and mean, yes to the Lord.
The next song, I Surrender All, was equally convicting. I have several requests in to the Lord for change to happen in our family. As I made covenant with the Lord with that song, I surrendered my will to his. Not that I no longer want for Him to do but I have surrendered my will for His.
I could sense then that the Lord wanted me to go to the altar for prayer about me conceiving. I was mortified at the thought. I did not want the looks of pity. I did not want the nosey looks. I did not want people coming up to me afterwards with conversation as if my altar prayer request was permission to speak to me like we are homegirls. I did not want any of that but I did want God to move on our behalf so I went to the alter and asked our pastor to pray that God would open my womb again. I was afraid to go up alone so I motioned to my husband (who sits in the pulpit mind you) to come down to me. He did willingly and stood in agreement with me to ask for prayer.
I wait in expectation to receive from God. I will take the shame from men to receive gifts from God.