Jesus Is In The Boat!

The older I get, the more I know, that I know, that I know, ease is not synonymous with Christ is with us. Ease, or the absence of need, does not mean that God is pleased with you and you shall have no worries.

Life in the Lee Compound has started making me go hmm. You know, making me quirk and eyebrow and frown up my face. download-3I try to take it all in stride, knowing and trusting God will continue to provide but just the presence of these things that make me say hmm irritates my husband.  I encourage him in God’s word and remind him of God’s faithfulness to us through the years. When you are hurting and want something to go away like yesterday, those words don’t always hit home. But God knew how to reach His son.  He reminded me of Luke 8:22-25.

22 Now it happened, on a certain day, that He got into a boat with His disciples. And He said to them, “Let us cross over to the other side of the lake.” And they launched out. 23 But as they sailed He fell asleep. And a windstorm came down on the lake, and they were filling with water, and were in jeopardy. 24 And they came to Him and awoke Him, saying, “Master, Master, we are perishing!”

Then He arose and rebuked the wind and the raging of the water. And they ceased, and there was a calm. 25 But He said to them, “Where is your faith?”  And they were afraid, and marveled, saying to one another, “Who can this be? For He commands even the winds and water, and they obey Him!”  The winds and the waves beat against their boat. The disciples were in mortal jeopardy.  They had every right to be fearful but Jesus said,   “Where is your faith?” Jesus was in the boat! Asleep or awake, He was in the boat.  They were going to be alright!  Did it feel good? No. Were they scared? Umm-hmm. But God’s word didn’t change despite their fears.  Jesus is in the boat! That gave my husband comfort.  I hope it comforts you too.


The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow

I felt myself coming to the end. I felt me growing empty.  Think of a jar of peanut butter.  You know you are close to the end when you can see through parts of the bottom of the clear jar but you also know that if you use a spatula, you can scrape out at least two more sandwiches worth of peanut butter before throwing away the jar.  That is how I felt.

Hopefullness had left.

Trust had failed.

Words spoken were not kept.

Communication ceased.

I got nervous; unsure.

I could feel all the patience God has grown me to have with his people and trust God has developed in me in Him get to the tethered end. I could feel myself scraping every last piece of patience and encouragement I had and even then continued to scrape to see if I could rustle up some more.  It finally wore out.  I was empty.  I could feel it coming and nothing I did prevented it from happening.

My attitude soured.

I became short with folks.

I closed myself off.

All my thoughts were geared to “how am I going to fix this if failure comes again”.  I stayed completely unplugged from all loud factors; television, pleasure reading, personal projects.  I refused all of it.  I longed to hear from the Lord and I did but it wasn’t what I was expecting.

I expected an immediate refuel of all the patience and encouragement I’d dished out.  I expected a sense of peace that surpassed all understanding.  I expected to once again look on people with love.

That didn’t happen.

The exact opposite happened.

I had contempt in my eye. Arguments building up in my brain to unleash when the pressure built up to be unbearable. Exit strategies began to form. Anything and everything came into play to keep me from admitting the truth.

My feelings are hurt.

I’d been let down.

Because I am not currently emitting loving vibes, communication has been terminated.




As soon as I hitched my line onto the foretold shooting star, it fell. I never bought into it before but this time, this time, I thought things would be different.  I saw the spark again; the determination. I saw assurance and a granite will that things were going to change whether I believed it or not.

That was the difference this time around.  I jumped in hook, line, and sinker.

Unfortunately, it looks like I should have kept my reservations very much alive but quietly to myself. Now I have to mourn what won’t be and accept what is in front of me.  I can’t make it seem any more than what it is. I can’t make excuses. It is put up or shut up time and folks have shut up instead of put up. It’s heartbreaking. Now that I have scraped the bottom of the jar of my emotions, I hope to God that He will fill me up again. It’s been a long time since I have felt this hopeless. Please pray Proverbs 14:1 for me that I may act wisely and 2 Corinthians 12:9 that I most gladly will boast in my infirmities (hurt feelings, disappointments, hopelessness) that the power of Christ will rest upon me for His grace is sufficient. #liveoutloud


The Onset Of Change Is Disturbing

I should be happy today.  I should be ecstatic!  But I am not.  Two things are changing in my life and I am ponderous.

My husband and I had a discussion yesterday and I understand that we made a misstep last year.  We moved in a direction that was comfortable for us (well, me) but not what God wanted.  The husband and wife communications skills we have now were not present this time last year to keep us on the path God wanted.  If we (well, I) was able to communicate what I needed our decision would have been different.  Now, we find ourselves at the beginning again, going in the direction God said and preparing for those uncomfortable stages we are sure to encounter. Our end point will be glorious!  Of that I have no doubt but I am a wee bit nervous…dare I say anxious…to begin.  I, we, are not turning back.  I am just taking a (really) deep breath in anticipation of the first step.

I am getting some time back in my schedule this week.  Today is the final day of the homeschool cooperative group we belong to. I was excited this morning but after arriving, I heard that a family I had come to look forward to seeing, will not be joining us next year. Instantly, today turned bittersweet. I didn’t consider myself close to this family but their presence added a little something to my life every Monday. I will not have that next year.

Those two things have me dragging some this morning.  In one case, I am moving in the direction God has us and I am the one initiating the goodbye to others.  In the other case, someone else is moving in the direction God has for them and initiated the goodbye to me.



Moving Forward is Fun…Even Though It Is Not Fast

We’ve hit a couple of brick walls.

Haven’t found a place to live.  Van needs repairs.  One Facebook follower.  One Twitter follower.  We seem to have more outgo than income.  What I viewed as a possible income stream, God planned differently.

I am not upset.  I am not discouraged.  A bit disappointed that each day has not produced a bumper crop of evidence that we have moved forward but, I recall something I learned in business.  Each successful step starts with a decision to do and then the acts to follow it out.   So, we keep jiggling door handles, trying new doors to see which will open.  We don’t sit idle. We keep the moving forward mindset.

Obedience to the Lord is never void.