Father’s Are Important Too

downloadEvery other commercial, news outlet, sports program, and print advertisement told people that Mother’s Day was near.  The date was given and the countdown was repeated. ‘Mother’s Day is in two weeks!  Mother’s Day is next Sunday!  Mother’s Day is tomorrow!  Don’t forget about your mom!’  Could not enter a store without a sign giving date of Mother’s Day.  You did not have the option of not knowing Mother’s Day was coming nor when it was.

Yes, Mother’s Day is a commercial holiday and a very lucrative one at that hence all of the commercialism.  However, the sports casters, news reporters, radio personalities and the like all tooted about the importance of mothers and rarely did not have a story to share about how their mother impacted their life. The hype of the holiday was severely escalated.

Do not hear me wrong.  I too am a mother.  Celebrating mothers is important.  It is a great day for many mothers who don’t regularly receive recognition to get some that day. However, the same should be done for Father’s Day as well.

But alas, Father’s Day came and went silently. Fourth of July favors and cook out gear were given more prominence than Father’s Day. Firework displays were up since mid May, right after Mother’s Day as a matter of fact, but not a peep about Father’s Day.  One display.  One display did I see in my local store about Father’s Day and that was only above a tower of Blu Ray discs that ‘Dad would love’.  The same store had an entire section for the Fourth of July. What does that tell you?

Society has neglected the importance of Father’s.  We ought not too. Society is going to do what it is going to do. We, those that know the importance of men in our lives, should celebrate the fathers on Father’s Day. You don’t have to be married with children nor have a good relationship with your own father to celebrate fathers on that day.  Father’s are important. Period. The role of father is equally important with mothers. Celebrate the good fathers you know.  If you don’t know any, don’t hate the day or minimize it. Every mother isn’t great yet she is “supposed” to get flowers.



Here’s what happened.

Surprise surprise. All of the children were over for Father’s Day weekend. Bella was on her menstrual cycle during her time with us. The first day she was here I asked her if she had enough supplies.  She said yes.  I reminded her where I keep the supplies and reminded her that she is welcome to them should she need them.  The end.

A few days later during this same visit, Brian spoke with Tanya. During the conversation she asked if Bella spoke to us about needing supplies.  My husband responded no.  She said that Bella told her that when she is with us we force her to use what we (I) have and that is not the brand that Tanya provides for her.  My husband told Tanya that maybe she should encourage Bella to speak to him, me, or even her grandmother (my mother-in-law) about it because if we don’t know we can’t be held responsible.

Here is what I know. 1. Bella is thirteen. She is very open and has no problem discussing personal things like her menstrual cycle with us.  2. I was very closed at her age discussing my menstrual cycle with ANYONE including my mother. 3. Bella is not a stranger to lying or manipulation. 4. At 13 girls do a lot of weird things to disguise their cycle.  I certainly did.

When Brian told me of their conversation, I explained my position.  I buy pads.  Tanya told me the brand she purchases for Bella. I do not buy that brand.  I’ve tried them and do not care for them.  If they are on sale, a good sale, and I have a coupon, I might pick some up, but, normally, I avoid them at all cost.  The difference in the brand that I buy and the brand Tanya purchases for Bella is the top layer of the pad. That is all.  They are both ultra thin with wings. If anything, mine are longer because I always buy Overnights.  To me, that should not make much of a difference to someone in need of a pad so if she needs it, she should use what is available.

My husband suggested that I buy a box to keep here for her to use if she needs it. I looked at him like he had just grown another head. They are pads not tampons. A pad is a pad. Yes, I have a preference with the type of pad I use but I bet if I am without one and I needed one I would use whatever someone had on hand and would have absolutely NO complaints about it especially if they were the thin kind with wings that I get anyway! (PS I’ve been in that position and I did not complain.  Was quite grateful actually).

I originally told him no.  I was not willing to do that.  I did not see the point in buying two brands when she can just use what I have. Then, I got back in my role which is my husbands help-meet. This is his daughter.  He wants to do whatever he can to help her.  If that means he can help by having the brand of pads she prefers on hand, then so be it.  I asked him if he wanted me to buy a box for her and he said yes.

Here’s my problem(s).

1. It still doesn’t make sense to me why I have to buy a separate box. When you are in need, you are in need. Use what is available.

2. I am dealing with a woman, Tanya, who at one time drove to the ark and tossed a bag of pads in the fenced back yard and told her daughter to retrieve them so she would have some to use while she is here. Bella did not retrieve them so Tanya called us about it a few days after her visit and my husband found them outside. I don’t cater to that kind of foolishness.

3. If a woman is particular about the kind of pad she wants her daughter to use, supply her daughter with them and make sure she brings them along.

4. Tanya has told me before what pads she buys for her and (in not so many words) told me to get that for her.  Umm.  How about no.  Particular people need to be prepared.

5. Tanya seems to enjoy dictating what we should do with her children when they are here.  This pad thing looks like just another area where she can try to control the goings on of my household. I’m not for it.

6. Why not encourage the child to use what is on hand especially if you are not packing supplies? She is only here for a weekend?

7. I did, for a short time, buy a box of pads for her specifically.  Bella took the box home. She bought it back once but used it up at some point at home because it did not make its way back again. That is what 13 year olds do. But this 33-year-old is not buying a new box every month to supply another household.

8. At the beginning of this stage of puberty, my husband told Tanya that I, Xara, am the person she and Bella need to speak with regarding menstrual supplies. Once I told her my stance on the brand thing (reference problem #1 and #3) she has not brought it up again. Now, there seems to be a problem  and her daughter is a victim of my purchasing choices. You’ve got to be kidding me. I don’t fool with that nonsense.

Physically, I am going to do what my husband would like me to do, but my motives? My motives are not correct before the Lord.  I am only doing it to be obedient in deed which is disobedient to God.  God sees my heart/motives. I hope He will work on me before the time comes for me to buy this stupid box of pads because, as you can tell, a sista is HEATED right now!

Do People Think?

Father’s Day is next Sunday. My husband has already put feelers out to see if we can get my bonus children this weekend.  Since school is out, and no one is in camp this week, theoretically we should be able to get them before Friday or Saturday.

Anthony is a go.  It’s just a matter of when my husband is going to get him.  We haven’t seen him in a few weeks.  Personally, I think his mother is starting to feel a little bad about that and is trying to make up for that lost time.

My husband just got word from Tanya that she has plans for Bella and Scott Friday afternoon. I don’t think she thinks.  Why make plans for children on that weekend? I know they are Friday afternoon plans but how long do those plans last? To us, it’s just like them being in school.  Friday afternoon plans mean we won’t get them until 10PM Friday night.

Father’s Day is Sunday and we will do something special that day but my husband is a minister.  Our church has two services Sunday morning and he is there for both of them.  He is tired afterwards. My children will get the most out of my husband Saturday, not Sunday.  They will get the most time to spend together Saturday, not Sunday. Anthony will go home Sunday because he has camp the following day. Most likely, he will go home early Sunday and miss most of the Father’s Day activities that happen on Father’s Day.

It would have been nice for my husband’s Father’s Day to be spaced out over four days.  It would have been nice for him not to have to pick up children late Friday.  So far, the plans for next weekend look like any other weekend during the school year.   A late Friday, action packed Saturday, tired but have to serve on Sunday is the norm.  The only difference is this Sunday is supposed to be special.

After my husband told me about Tanya’s text, I saw him sitting on the steps looking reflective. He was staring at the pictures hung on the wall of our family and friends. He didn’t say it, but I could what he was thinking. “Why do I always have to beg for my children?”