I Forgot Who HE Was

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I got so bogged down with the current cares of my life. Folk not acting right. Adjusting to always having an endless to-do list.

I often daydream. I think of spectacular events that could happen to or around me.  It’s a nice escape. This daydream was about me being pregnant with twins and being summoned back to the doctor’s office for another sonogram. The midwife wanted to double-check because either one baby had a heart defect or I was actually carrying triplets. Come to find out, I was carrying triplets!

At the quick conclusion of this daydream, I almost laughed out loud! (Really would have but it’s after midnight and I certainly did not want my voice to awake my girls.  Husband would have slept through it) I FORGOT WHO GOD WAS!

I am daydreaming about the impossible when I am currently living what I could not have imagined, but oh so desperately desired, just two years ago.

Two years ago (May 2015), I was focused on my Zumba. I was determined to live and not wallow in longing for another baby. Two years ago, as I was putting away our winter clothes and hanging up our summer clothes, I was hoping that the next time I saw my sweats, it would be in my our new home. Two years ago, at this very same time, I had NO IDEA WHATSOEVER that God was bringing about the unseen into the seen in our lives.

I found out June 2015, Father’s Day to be exact (how perfect is that!) that I was pregnant. In October 2015, my husband told me to start looking for a house. I May 2016, we got an apartment of our very own! God turned things around so fast! It truly was like a rushing wind.

So now, May 2017, as I am refocusing on my Zumba and learning to home school from a place of rest. Now, that I am focused on thoroughly enjoying my 8yr old and toddler. Now, that I have grown comfortable in our own unique house rhythm, I reflect on my “new” longings. Yes, I still desire to be a mother of many. Yes, we need to soon be in the process of looking into move again. But God! He has already done those things for me!  I don’t have to daydream! I experienced it! It was all real! There is no need for me to daydream now either! If I do dare, it can’t be from the wouldn’t-that-be-great camp.  It must be from the I-know-He-can-do-it/Won’t-He-will camp!

Be blessed!

HE Catches Me Before I Fall

One sentence spoken from my daughter Jazmine.  One wishful thought that I can’t fathom how to accomplish. Either of these can send me down an unprofitable thought rabbit-hole.

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I recall a Gospel song There Is No Failure where one of the lines in the song is, catches you before you fall.  It is so very true.

I have often heard God’s voice speak to me as I am peering down the bad thought rabbit-hole.  I hear truth to my ears but because it wasn’t what I wanted and wasn’t a way to get what I desired, I often dismissed it with an excuse. I can clearly see now that was what I was doing.  Only after receiving truth was I able to detect the lie(s) I was choosing instead.

This really happened.

I was driving home with my girls in the car.  I had already been noodling how I was going to sign Jazmine up for all of these camps this summer and how I needed to keep my ear to the ground for when registration opened up so we wouldn’t miss out. At that point in the car, I wasn’t currently thinking about that but it was still on mental radar.  Jazmine says, “Mom, I want to do ballet, Karate, and soccer.  I already told you I wanted to do ballet.” And that she did. She has mentioned ballet on and off since she was three.  The first emotion I felt was guilt.  Why hadn’t I put her in a class yet? I couldn’t remember.  Because I was already working under my own pressure regarding camps, hearing my child restate a desire she had and adding that she wanted to try new things, I felt like a failure.  Summer isn’t here and I already felt like a slouch. I was trying to figure out how I would juggle getting her to karate, finding a ballet and soccer camp, and making sure Baby Grace had some semblance of a schedule during all of this.  Before I succumbed and really tried to piece this all together, I heard the Lord say, “Many adults try things for the first time in their adulthood.” And BOOM! Instant pressure relief.

I didn’t even try to preface God’s words with any ‘I will try Jaz’, ‘let me talk to Daddy and we will see what we can do’, or ‘it all depends on what we find’. NOTHING!  I said exactly what I heard.  Jazmine responded with, “Well I just want to try things in my childhood.” Masterful response but I was already free from any guilt threatening to overtake me.  Just a few weeks ago, I would have dismissed what God said with an excuse and try to make a way myself.

Praise God!

 

The Priesthood: Modern Day Levite

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Years ago, a friend of ours, stopped us on our way out of the church parking lot.  We were previously discussing my husband’s increasing role at our place of worship. I said something like “I am a slouch because I don’t do much of anything compared to him.” It was then, our friend said, “I believe in Levitical families.” She went on to explain that it’s usually never one person of the household who is called to serve.  Both husband, wife, and even children, are all called to serve God in one capacity or another. At the time, I heard her but now I really understand the weight of that statement.

My husband is a preacher.  He is the Pastor at the church we attend.  He is a bi-vocational Pastor at that, meaning he has a full-time job and he Pastor’s a church.  Pastoring is not limited to preaching on Sunday.  It is all-encompassing.

My husband works 40 hours a week in his profession plus a few hours every evening at home. He spends roughly 20 hours a week, and that is an observers estimate, on church business (paperwork, communication, etc) plus the time it takes to meditate and prepare a sermon. He is ALWAYS forward thinking and planning for months and years ahead. That is his calling. God called Him to pastor.

As his wife and as far as our family goes, we live a Levitical life.  We have a Levitical schedule.  Saturday and Sunday brunches are non-existent for us. Saturday evening time with friends? No way man. Sunday night dates? No. The get up and go lifestyle? Not here. I often look at other families and think how wonderful it is for them to be able to go grocery shopping together. I usually end up going after the girls are in the bed.

This is not a complaint.  It is a reflection. I see Facebook posts about the fantastic Sundays people have and the wonderful Saturday evenings they experience. I look longingly on those post but remember our calling is different. Corporate worship is not optional for us.  My family can’t live stream service while we relax on the couch eating pancakes. My husband can’t live stream from home.  Convenience is not the calling.

Our whole family is involved. We all have to be up and ready Sunday morning which means Saturday evening is treated like a school night.  Our home operates on a quieter level, which is no easy task, when my husband is working on his sermon. There are many other things that run differently in our Levitical home that are both common to other Levitical families and unique to our blended Levitical family.

The calling is high.

Getting My Jazmine Back

I gave away so much with her. I rationalized it of course. I had noble intentions but as my mother says, hindsight is 20/20.

My daughter needs me. She wants me. All her other relationships in her life will stem from our mother/daughter relationship first. Sure, she will be close with other people, but no one else is Mommy but me.

I’ve had to have a few conversations with my soon to be seven year old about what Mommy says goes and asking Mommy first before anyone else (except for her father,my husband).  She had had to relearn this but she is slowly but surely  coming to understand this. She is spending more and more time with me. Baby Grace’s arrival has helped this process along no doubt. Jazmine does not want to miss a minute of time with her baby sister. 

For whatever the reason we are gelling once again, I am grateful. I can’t teach her all she needs to know if she is not underfoot. My priorities for her growth are different from non nuclear family members so, even though I know she learns from being around others, the lessons her father and I hold as priority only happen when she is spending time with us.

I thought I had to balance the time I spent with my daughter with the time she was available to be with other family members. If that is not stinking thinking, I don’t know what is. 

I want both of my girls to have and develop meaningful relationships with family but it can never ever again happen at the cost of my relationship with them. 

Let’s Do It Again

One of the hardest things God asks us to do is do get up and do it again. 

When the issues of life haven’t changed. When the same struggle that was there yesterday and the day before that and the day before that is still there unchanged. When you’ve cried again the day before when you swore the last time was the LAST time you were going to shed a tear over it. When it seems like your prayer life is just a matter of habit because the things you need changed have not. All of that is reason to rejoice.

As I am writing that, I am having a hard time believing it myself. I’ve been praying for people for years and when I see them or hear about them they seem worse now than before. Why should I be rejoicing? 

Because even if what you’ve been praying for hasn’t changed, you have. 

Growth in Christ means growing through something. The fact that you’ve continually taken those burdens to the Lord with great expectation from Him to change things means something. That you willfully submitted yourself to God over that thing day in and day out means something.  Not letting the the circumstance dictate your faith in God means something. 

It means you trust God. It means you have matured in Christ. It means you have grown to have a deeper relationship with Him. After all, isn’t that EXACTLY what He wants from us?

So don’t get caught up in the mundanenesswhen it seems that your prayer life isn’t having any affect. God is pleased when His children get up the next day ready to do it all over again with Him.

We Are On FACEBOOK!

It’s official! I have a Facebook page! Woohoo! This is another way to get the word out. I you have found anything helpful or insightful on any particular post you can like and share this page!

This is my first blog post from a mobile device as well. Many first today!

Oh yeah. I almost forgot. The page name is Wifommy

I Don’t Know What It’s Like.

It’s been easy to criticize Tanya.  I’ve always seen something she can do better, something she needs to change, or some form of improvement I thought she could make for the betterment of herself and her children.  Tanya is the mother of two of my bonus children, Bella and Scott.

Things have gotten harder recently.  The education of our children is important to all of us.  Recently, things have caught up with the Greenhouse.  Things we knew were going on but not being said have come to light in a major way.  We, my husband and I, are not the only ones who see it which makes the exposure even brighter.  We are hoping this is a turning point for the better but there isn’t much we can do.  We haven’t been allowed to be involved to the extent where we could make a difference before which makes any attempt now to assist laughable (at least to me).

I wore the most recent news about Bella and Scott very heavy on my shoulders.  It made me sick that things have gotten so desperate and that we were only privy to what’s been going on for the entire year yesterday.  It was then that I heard God speak.

He said, I don’t know what it’s like.  I don’t know what it’s like to be single.  I don’t know what it’s like to be a single mom.  I don’t know what it’s like to be a single mom with to two children.  I don’t know what it’s like to be a single mom to two children in this economy.  I don’t know what it’s like to have to be to work before my children leave the house in the morning and get home three hours after they do.  I don’t know what it’s like to have to operate day in and day out in exhaustion.  I don’t know what it’s like.

I didn’t like hearing it yesterday because I was still fired up angry at her for hearing how out of hand things had gotten at the ninth hour, that I didn’t let God’s words to me penetrate my heart.  I did, however, receive them this morning.  I really don’t know what it’s like.  How can I be so harsh in my thinking towards her if I don’t understand?

There are always opinions.  There is always room for improvement in everyone, myself included.  I still have my opinions, suggestions, and advice that I think would help but I am no longer watchful for the day when I can express myself in that way.