Rhonda, Rhonda, Rhonda. Rhonda is my fat-woman-within. I named her almost seven years ago. I was eating out of control. I was a newlywed. We had just moved into our new apartment and that was my first time living completely on my own. (I just graduated college the year before and was still living at home with my parents when we got married).
For the first time, I could bake and I could cook, or attempt to cook, with reckless abandon. I love to bake and I love sweets but my husband is not a sweets eater so that left me to eat all of my baked goods. I had my first adult-living-in-the-real-world income and I could spend it on pricier foods. I didn’t have to stick to noodle dishes or box sides that were on sale. I ate like I had never seen food before! Honestly, I don’t think I ate any differently while I was in college but I was also walking at least three miles a day trekking across the my college campus.
I named this crazy eater Rhonda because it was the first name that came to mind. I knew what she was doing was wrong. I was a Kinesiology major for pete’s sake. I knew how the body ran most efficiently but I didn’t stop. That was about when I realized that my metabolism had changed. It used to be that I could curb my eating for a week or two and I would be back to my normal size. (My normal size used to be a 10). Two weeks wasn’t enough with Rhonda. She requires an entire lifestyle change.
I killed Rhonda about four years ago. I thought she was starting to resurface two years ago because I was eating like crazy again. But it wasn’t Rhonda. It was Jazmine. I just didn’t know it was Jazmine at first. Jazmine is my now 15 month old baby girl. Rhonda resurfaced shortly after Jazmine was born last year. I got carried away because I was able to eat without getting heart burn or feeling nauseated. I felt like I had to make up for lost eating time. I also nursed and thought that the extra calories it took to breast feed would cover any Rhonda moments. Sadly, that is not what happened.
Rhonda was back in full effect. I have been battling this heifer for about a year now. I would hold her off for a while. I was even able to get back into my jeans so I fooled myself into thinking that Rhonda was dead. Silly me. As soon as I was able to eat and breath in my jeans comfortably, Rhonda came back.
I have accepted that I enjoy eating and that Rhonda will never truly die. I must go back to the same mental state I was in four years ago and make some serious lifestyle changes so I can keep her at bay.