I’ve been taught that problem’s purpose is so you can rediscover sufficiency in Christ. I just read here how Mandisa struggled with the passing of a close friend. Kelly Irvin, the blog’s author, talks of her battle with cancer. I have been open about wanting a large family and not having it. Longings and desires are real. When you are the one in it, when you are the one longing and desperately seeking a respite to your desire, it matters not if the want is health, child, home, or protection. It is all a groaning in one’s heart.
Sufficiency in Christ should carry us through all of our yet unmet desires or the longings that will not be fulfilled on this side of glory. But does it? Do we really feel sufficient? I don’t. I’d feel more sufficient in Christ if I was currently cradling what I long for most in my arms. But then that wouldn’t be sufficiency would it. That would be more akin to a toddler willing to be obedient after getting what she wants. ‘Yes, Mommy, I will walk over to you after I’m finished coloring on my paper.’ ‘Lord, I will be more than happy to be sufficient in you after I am already satisfied.’
I know what sufficiency looks like. I also know, I am not modeling that.
I couldn’t get it together today. At different turns, I’d break down and cry, complaining, crying out, asking God, begging God why I can’t have what I want. I felt my request pretty small in light of what Mandisa and Kelly have and are experiencing. And yet, pain is pain. It is packaged differently for each one but it cuts just as deep.
I will have sufficiency in Christ. I will feel it and know it. For me, it is a journey. Right now, knowing sufficiency comes and goes. It is fleeting because my utter confusion on why I can’t get an immediate yes answer to my request gets the best of me. I’ve faltered in walking by faith and not by sight. I walk with both eyes open and all other senses super alert to anything that might hint that I’m going to get my way.
I wish this was a ‘here is the answer to your problem’ post but it is not. It is a ‘this is where I am right now’ post. I hope to follow-up with a ‘how God brought me through’ post. Until then, if you are struggling to find, accept, receive, and trust in God’s sufficiency, you are not alone. I am right there witcha!