I peed on the stick. Only one line appeared.
I knew I wasn’t pregnant. My breast felt full and heavy, but not tender. I was tired but not fatigued. I wanted to be pregnant but I am not.
After yet another negative test (I’ve taken several in the past year after Baby Grace was born) I now wash my hands of trying to conceive (TTC). I AM DONE!
I will no longer chart our days of intercourse. I will no longer take my basal body temperature (BBT). I will no longer observe my cervical mucus. I will no longer fret about adding anything new to my diet for fear that it will interfere with my fertility. I will no longer add things to my diet hoping to increase my fertility. I will no longer look for any signs that I might be pregnant. I will no longer hold onto weight that needs to go using “I might be pregnant” as an excuse. I will no longer short side planning future activities because “I might be pregnant then”. I will no longer speak to “if I have another baby”.
I WILL plan my life around my husband and our two beautiful girls. I WILL plan our coming year with only us in mind. I WILL lose this weight sooner than later. I WILL plan fuller days. I WILL remain free from any thought that will shift my focus from our lovely present. I WILL live in the present.
I acknowledged God’s sovereignty over my fertility before. Now, I am fully letting go and letting God be God.