It seems like the more that happens in my life, the more I can’t talk about it.
I wish I could tell it all but, as I said in the very beginning, I write what I’m lead as I am led to.
July is coming fast. I have been gearing up for it since May. July is when I have my oldest son for the entire month. It is also when we requested to have my daughter and youngest son spend as much time as they can with us this summer. The thought always seems really good at the beginning but the closer July comes, the more anxious I get.
I have been on a journey to improve my home management skills. I am not willing to go into detail about the specifics right now but it is quite an overhaul for me. I’ve had to learn to think differently and do a better job at managing my time. It hasn’t been easy. The more I try, the more I feel like I’m failing. Each week is a new opportunity to learn from my mistakes but it has also proven to be a new week where I fall short in the very same areas I’ve been trying to improve. By fall short, I mean, I am not even up to par with what used to be normal for me before I started to change! It is quite exasperating.
Long story short, I already feel like I am walking on shaky ground while trying to find my legs in all of this and to add three children from two different households to the mix is starting to stress me out! It is one thing to fall short. It is another thing to fall short publicly. It is another thing entirely to fall short publicly in front of people who watch your mistakes with glasses on!
The audience itself is enough to make me not want to try; to know that my every movement is silently critiqued and discussed later. But try I must if I am to improve. If I don’t keep my eye on the goal, I won’t get there. When I fall, because I am sure I will, I will fall forward. Praise God my husband has my back.
(Originally penned 2011)