If I see something I want to be apart of, I usually do whatever I can to make it happen. If I want to join something, I research or observe the workings of that group then mimic all things positive to make the grade so to speak. I’ve done that for as long as I can remember. Wisdom says, I should observe the group longer before committing in my mind to join.
I was pretty tight with a group of people last year. Ever since I observed the group, I desired to be a part of it. My actions and motives were genuine but I had an end-goal in mind. Once I was accepted into that group, things started to go south. They didn’t stop going south until it hit rock bottom. Me and this group are no more. I still keep up with one person from the group. From having periodic conversations with her, it really dawned on me the truth here. The members of that group and I are at different stages of life. Often times, folks who are in vastly different stages of life don’t meld as well as those who are in the same stage.
The folks in that group are all unmarried, have grown or no children, and careers. I am (happily) married, have young children, and no job. With the exception of the purpose of the group, we had nothing in common. I could not have gotten any closer to those people even if I wanted to. My availability to hang out isn’t the same as there’s. My current life focus isn’t even on their radar.
I had good times with this group. I miss the camaraderie. When I see their updates, a twinge of jealousy goes through me. I wish things would have turned out differently. I wish I could have developed deeper relationships with them all. Just because your arms are open, doesn’t mean people will return the hug.
(Originally penned 2015)