I struggle with giving myself room to grow (also known as giving yourself grace). I feel like a punk if I can’t hit the bar I’ve set for myself especially since I’ve had that bar in place for most of my adult life and usually hit it 100% of the time. Now, I’ve had to digest that I have two children (one of whom is an infant) and moving into our new home is a big deal!
Now, I know it’s a big deal. It is a long-awaited milestone for us; a huge accomplishment and answer to many, Many, MANY prayers. I’m not referring to that part of it being a big deal. I am referring to the adjustment of it all.
For YEARS, I have struggled to be the woman of my household even though we lived with another woman in her home. I missed out on a lot of things young people learn when they live on their own. I can work in a budget. Managing money isn’t the issue. The responsibility of it all is. What to keep stocked in the house? How much is enough? How much is too much? Dinner plan? When to wash? When to clean? Clean regularly? As needed? Both?
You learn this when you first start out. I was learning this when my husband and I got our first apartment before poo-poo it the fan. Then, I was stripped to nothing. Let me back up and bit and say, yes, I know God is and was in control of all of that and we, my husband and I both, needed to be stripped of things. Our marriage is far superior now then what it was headed to be 12 years ago. That being said, I am now in my thirties learning what twenty-somethings are learning. I feel like an 18 yr old high school freshman. We have married friends that are younger than us that are more mature in this area than we are. It is very humbling.
But I am learning. I am giving myself room to grow, day-by-day, minute-by-minute, if need be. I am just so happy to finally be here! I have a baby! I have a home that is all mine! I love being in my home so much and FINALLY being released from the Ark, rarely do I want to go anywhere but I have a 7yr old that needs good amounts of sunshine and fresh air. I have to make myself plan playground trips because I would rather just sit and enjoy my space. But that is a good “problem” to have. I would much rather be where I am today then where I was five weeks ago 🙂