I gave away so much with her. I rationalized it of course. I had noble intentions but as my mother says, hindsight is 20/20.
My daughter needs me. She wants me. All her other relationships in her life will stem from our mother/daughter relationship first. Sure, she will be close with other people, but no one else is Mommy but me.
I’ve had to have a few conversations with my soon to be seven year old about what Mommy says goes and asking Mommy first before anyone else (except for her father,my husband). She had had to relearn this but she is slowly but surely coming to understand this. She is spending more and more time with me. Baby Grace’s arrival has helped this process along no doubt. Jazmine does not want to miss a minute of time with her baby sister.
For whatever the reason we are gelling once again, I am grateful. I can’t teach her all she needs to know if she is not underfoot. My priorities for her growth are different from non nuclear family members so, even though I know she learns from being around others, the lessons her father and I hold as priority only happen when she is spending time with us.
I thought I had to balance the time I spent with my daughter with the time she was available to be with other family members. If that is not stinking thinking, I don’t know what is.
I want both of my girls to have and develop meaningful relationships with family but it can never ever again happen at the cost of my relationship with them.