Growing up, I was the one who did not respond when I should have. I was the one who would stew on why something was said and wait to respond. I set a self-imposed time limit on what I considered a timely response. If other folk had seemed to move on, even if I was still hurt, angry, or upset, I would assume that since they were over it, I needed to be over it also. I took that as an end to the window of opportunity to speak up for myself.
As a grown-up who has grown away from that childhood thinking, I have forced myself to respond immediately. I had grown enough to learn swiftness of tongue but word choice had been problematic. God has worked on me in the word choice area so my words, more often than not, stay filled with grace, seasoned with salt, so I know how to respond to every man (Col. 4:6). Responding slowly or not at all, as was my case, was me avoiding conflict and thinking that was godly.
At 0 dark 30 this morning, as I was having insomnia issue and thinking about other things, God amazingly dropped this thought in my mind, “I did not get the response I was looking for.” I knew EXACTLY what He was talking about. I wrote about what happened, here, here and here. It truly messed me up for some time. When God dropped that in my spirit, I was able to receive the truth, the entire truth and weight of that statement.
That person did not respond in a way I was looking for. Her response wasn’t unkind but I was looking for a response laced in love and her’s was cut-and-dry. My initial reply back to her was just as cut-and-dry but much more tearse because I was hurt. My misstep was responding before allowing those I had sought advice from for this conflict, to read her response. An immediate response was not prudent here.
I did not get the response I was looking for and my actions from that time have been based on that. I was wrong. The outcome might not have changed but how I handled it once she responded, should have been different. I take the L (loss) for that one. Is there something she could have done or said differently in subsequent interactions? Sure but self-examination has nought to do with anyone other than yourself, which in this case is me.