8 It is better to trust in the Lord
Than to put confidence in man.
9 It is better to trust in the Lord
Than to put confidence in princes.
It is so easy to say if a friendship ends over something stupid, then that person was never really a friend anyway. It’s another thing to live it and believe it. The truth is, at that point in time, that person was your friend. They were there for you. They respected you. You were valued in their eyes. When that ends, it is not quick fix.
I miss my friend. I miss the camaraderie we had. I miss feeling excited when I knew we were going to see each other. Now, our planned encounters are met with loads of apprehension laced with anxiety on my part. I miss the genuine conversations. Now, it’s just small talk. Now, I’m just a face in the crowd. Now, when I want advice or want her opinion on something, I can’t ask.
It hurts when someone forms an incorrect opinion of you. You can’t do anything to fix their opinion if that is how they choose to see you. I wish there was something I could say to make her see. But there is nothing to be said. Until she wants to see the truth, she can’t.
Today was a particularly rough day for a number of non life or death reasons. It was hard to focus. After school, I took Jazmine to two parks and we ate lunch in the car outside of the library. The walls of the house felt like they were closing in on me. I had to get out and stay out. I called a friend but she wasn’t home. I wanted to go to family but I knew I would just be running from the One who could really help me. Jesus.
Jazmine played and I prayed. The Holy Spirit led me to read Psalms 118 and I could not read past verses 8 and 9. I held onto those verses with all I had. I trusted my friend. I had confidence in our friendship. I have to refocus that trust and confidence to the Lord. There is still a lot of dull pain over this but I am now armed with a verse to help me fight off the bad days.