This was a hard post to write. Hard to admit and hard to try to prepare myself for the barrage of pointed fingers coming my way. Prayerfully, this post will give those who don’t walk the step-mom path insight into this world and to my fellow step-mom who has been pushed to this place, you are not alone.
I am finished. I have laid my step-children down. I no longer carry them in my heart. I no longer seek to remain, maintain, or present myself as someone else who is in their corner. I have washed my hands of my step-children.
I know this won’t be received by the masses. I know there is some well-meaning person who wants to encourage me in the Lord on perseverance, love, etcetera, who believes that I have dropped the ball. I am sure there are others who will believe that this is how I have always felt and I am just now reveling it.
Well, to those people, I say, in advance, that you are wrong on all counts and I could care less on whether you believe me or not.
I didn’t begin this way. I fought against the wicked step-mother persona. I never wanted that. That is not who I am. That is not who I aimed to be. It is still not who I am but it is past time to receive what my children’s mother’s have shown me, their children, and my husband. I am not wanted in their world. I am an afterthought, a necessary evil, a person to put up with.
To that, I say, ok. This will ultimately hurt the children and that is a shame but it is not my call. I see the handwriting on the wall. There is no common ground between me and their mothers. Their mothers’ lack of regard for me has been handed down to the children and now, the children are old enough to act out on that teaching on their own accord.
So, as I have been asked by their actions, I will stay out of their way. I will continue to support my husband, etc etc etc. That has not changed. What has changed is my mindset when it comes to my step-children. I will no longer emotionally attach myself to their plight. I will no longer hang on every word I glean about their well-being. It is not necessary. It proves nothing and only leaves me frustrated.
So, they will go on and grow into whomever they will. I will see them as often as they visit (which is about once a month for Anthony and maybe 1-3 times a year for Bella and Scott). I will hope for the best but not be surprised when I hear the worst.
My husband is not permitted to father his children as he’d like. So, tell me (and this is a rhetorical question), how else was this supposed to be? What other path is there for me to be in except for the one that was laid?