Dear Step-Mom, An Important Conversation To Have

My Bella is in the midst of making some very bad decisions.  She has turned a blind eye to the consequences that most definitely await.  I found out about the decisions she has made thus far and I did not know how to tell my husband.

I knew he should know if, for nothing else, he is her father.  I also know Tanya and after a major crisis occurs on their end, she calls and gives a pile-up review of life so far, listing every crisis that has happened for the past x number of months.  I am not talking about minor things either, like missing the bus, forgetting homework at home, forgetting to call etc.  Those things can be major if they are habitual but in and of themselves, that is just human nature. I am talking about things that should have been shared before they exploded into a huge ugly mess like cutting class, sneaking out of the house, skipping school etc.; not that she is doing those things but you get my point.

How to tell my husband of Bella’s poor decisions was a difficult decision. This experience is what provoked this blog post.  Fortunately, my husband handled it well-meaning he received the information without turning on me (YAY!) It is so easy to kill the messenger sometimes but my husband did not receive me as if I originated the negative news.   We discussed/vented our thoughts about it.

It would have been helpful for us if we had broached this subject before difficulties came our way but up until now, I had no idea I should have even thought of such things.  The important question to ask of your non-custodial spouse is, ‘How do you want me to tell you hard news about your child?’  I found myself wishing I had asked this question before hand so I knew exactly how to approach him.

Dealing with any parent is difficult when you have unpleasant things to discuss with them about their child.  That difficulty is exacerbated when that parent is your spouse. Having good communications before trouble comes is very important.



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