About two Sunday’s ago, I could feel the Holy Spirit telling me to go up from prayer about conceiving during altar call. I kindly refused. Last Sunday, I could sense Him telling me the same thing again. This time, I acted confused first before I kindly refused.
The two selections at church yesterday were Yes Lord and I Surrender All. As Yes Lord was being sung, and I singing along as well, I became convicted of the words I was singing. When you sing a song to God, it is like making a covenant with Him. I was singing that I say yes Lord to His will and His way but I have to be willing to do it. At the time, I had no idea what I was saying yes to specifically. I was just agreeing to say, and mean, yes to the Lord.
The next song, I Surrender All, was equally convicting. I have several requests in to the Lord for change to happen in our family. As I made covenant with the Lord with that song, I surrendered my will to his. Not that I no longer want for Him to do but I have surrendered my will for His.
I could sense then that the Lord wanted me to go to the altar for prayer about me conceiving. I was mortified at the thought. I did not want the looks of pity. I did not want the nosey looks. I did not want people coming up to me afterwards with conversation as if my altar prayer request was permission to speak to me like we are homegirls. I did not want any of that but I did want God to move on our behalf so I went to the alter and asked our pastor to pray that God would open my womb again. I was afraid to go up alone so I motioned to my husband (who sits in the pulpit mind you) to come down to me. He did willingly and stood in agreement with me to ask for prayer.
I wait in expectation to receive from God. I will take the shame from men to receive gifts from God.