I always thought Bella was the Tanya carrier. Her mother’s thumbprint is all over her (as it should be). I did not occur to me that Scott would be her likeness as well.
Boy were my eyes opened these past two weeks.
The boy won’t answer a question directly regardless of how succinctly I ask it! It’s always got to be extra! Me – Scott, did you eat breakfast. Scott – Well, sort of. Me – Scott, what do you mean sort of? Either you ate breakfast or you didn’t! Scott – Well I started to eat breakfast but I didn’t get a chance to finish it because Jazmine asked me to get her something to eat and then Anthony was in the way (Anthony interjects that he was not in Scott’s way) so I couldn’t get back to my food. Me – (I stand there with my mouth open looking completely exasperated).
Conversations like that went on for TWO WEEKS STRAIGHT! I finally said, “Boy! Why can’t you just answer a question with a straight answer?!!!!!? Why does it always have to be extra!!???!!!” One of my husband’s cousins said that Scott was melodramatic. She hit the nail right on the head.
The boy drained me.
I kept trying to figure out how to excise that melodramatic crap out of him. It wasn’t until I heard myself say to myself, ‘I’ve got to get that Tanya crap out of him’, that it dawned on me. I can’t get his mother out of him! That’s his Momma! My job is not to excise her from him! As much as I can’t stand her, she is not a terrible mother. She loves that boy, cares for him, and raises him. Trying to remove Tanya’s mark from Scott is a pointless job because it only leads to frustration and puts more of a strain on our (Scott and I) relationship. Scott is Tanya’s son…not mine.
What makes this relationships so challenging is that I can’t stand Tanya’s personality and I do not associate with any hints of it from anyone. Her children carry her traits and my immediate response of revulsion to those traits put me on the defensive. I can’t keep that mess out of my circle because those traits are in her children and her children are in my circle. That is so irksome but once I stopped trying to remove that bloody melodramatic crap from him, and stopped trying to guide (correct) him at every turn, I was much more at ease. I still speak succinctly, but I do not engage in his melodramatic responses. Now, if I can just remember all of this the next time he comes…