It happened so quick. The words started to pour out into my cell phone screen. In 30 seconds, I had written why I was primarily absent 12 years of her life when we used to be close.
I began texting her semi regularly earlier this year. My text weren’t anything major; mostly funny life moment stuff. Things like how noisy my body has gotten and, most recently, how I am sprouting hair in unwanted places. That most recent text dialogue was the catalyst for the sudden explosion of explanation, sorrow, and remorse.
Last week’s text dialogue was about the merits of purchasing a No-No. Today, I received a call from a family member whom I also discussed this most disgusting bodily turn of events with, informing me that QVC had a TSV for a epilator. I quickly text my friend to tell her to check it out. Her response was that she was on her way to work and she would check it later if she got a chance.
That’s when it happened. Before I knew it, I poured out years of my actions into four concise sentences. In summary, here is what I wrote: I still feel as bad today as I did when you were in grad school; afraid to contact you for fear I would be disturbing you and get you off course with my life happenings. I never wanted you to mess up because of me. I wasted so much time. I am sorry. I am proud of you and always wanted the best for you.
I have been trying to vocalize those very thoughts for the past 12 years. I don’t know why they came together today while discussing a epilator no less. Why couldn’t those words form earlier? Why couldn’t I have said this years ago? I don’t know but I am glad those words were finally formed in my mind and freed from my mouth. My friend, very kindly told me its time to let that go, and I did.
Cheers to redeeming the time!