I should be happy today. I should be ecstatic! But I am not. Two things are changing in my life and I am ponderous.
My husband and I had a discussion yesterday and I understand that we made a misstep last year. We moved in a direction that was comfortable for us (well, me) but not what God wanted. The husband and wife communications skills we have now were not present this time last year to keep us on the path God wanted. If we (well, I) was able to communicate what I needed our decision would have been different. Now, we find ourselves at the beginning again, going in the direction God said and preparing for those uncomfortable stages we are sure to encounter. Our end point will be glorious! Of that I have no doubt but I am a wee bit nervous…dare I say anxious…to begin. I, we, are not turning back. I am just taking a (really) deep breath in anticipation of the first step.
I am getting some time back in my schedule this week. Today is the final day of the homeschool cooperative group we belong to. I was excited this morning but after arriving, I heard that a family I had come to look forward to seeing, will not be joining us next year. Instantly, today turned bittersweet. I didn’t consider myself close to this family but their presence added a little something to my life every Monday. I will not have that next year.
Those two things have me dragging some this morning. In one case, I am moving in the direction God has us and I am the one initiating the goodbye to others. In the other case, someone else is moving in the direction God has for them and initiated the goodbye to me.