Xara, Brian, And Jasmine

(Please note.  This post is riddled with conception terms).

So, last month, I thought there was a good chance that I was pregnant.  I have been using the Period Plus App to chart my periods for years now.  Since we removed the goalie two years ago, I have been using it to chart ovulation based on the you-ovulaet-14-days-after-the-first-day-of-your-period theory.  I gave up on that a month ago. I even considered  purchasing a basal thermometer to chart my temperatures so I could pinpoint when I ovulate.

But then I decided to take the natural route by checking my cervical mucus to see if that would work to tell me when I ovulate. That is what I did last month. I was surprised to see early I ovulated!  No wonder I wasn’t conceiving before. With Jazmine, my body was like clockwork; ovulating 14 days after the first day of my period but it hasn’t been right since 🙂

Turns out I ovulated three days after my period ended. My CM was egg whitish and I told hubby it was time.  We worked hard y’all 😉

About two days after my fertile period ended, I cramped really bad for about an hour.  It felt just like it had when I had the ectopic last year. I still hoped against hope that I was pregnant since I did everything right to get pregnant in the first place. But alas, I was not. The cramping was what it was and my period arrived on time this month.

When I began to bleed, I decided enough was enough. I am tired of carrying around these extra pounds I have labeled as “pre-conception weight”. I am tired of falling for every breast soreness, fatigue, or increased appetite as a symptom for a pregnancy that does not exist. I have had enough.  Since I truly believe that this is in God’s hands and that our family is complete even if Jazmine is our only child, then I am going to live like it.

I began to take my weight lose supplements again.  I vigilantly watch what I eat.  I make sure I meet the minimum exercise requirements I have placed on myself. I do not allow myself to daydream about being pregnant or nursing a newborn. I do not allow myself to daydream about a future with more children in it than Jazmine.  It is just me, my husband, and my daughter. Period.



2 thoughts on “Xara, Brian, And Jasmine

  1. judahlily

    Awwww. I’m praying for you girl. I’m going thru a lot of the same things, so you can come sit by me! And you’re right, as much as I’d love to make it all just happen on my own, and in my own time, it’s really all in God’s hands and His infinite sovereignty. So I too am trying to just let go and let God. Thanks for sharing your struggle and journey!

    1. Xara

      Thank you. It is my hope that publicizing my TTC journey in Christ will help others do the same. I hope you conceive soon as well.

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