The Two Week Wait SUCKS!!!!!

To all who are trying and waiting…may I sit next to you?

My husband and I started to try to conceive as soon as flow made her return.  I took that as my “all clear” sign.  Unfortunately, according to my weekly blood tests, my hCG levels were not at or below 5.  My nurse said I was getting what probably seemed to me to be a period but she wasn’t fully convinced.  Well I was and my husband and I acted like I was if you know what I mean.

But, as God had it, we could not make head way in trying at that time because I was prescribed another medication for another condition that could not be taken by a pregnant woman or a woman trying to conceive.  We had to hold off three weeks.  Painful.

As soon as I finished the medicine, it was too late in my cycle to have a chance at if for that month. Talk about bummed.

As soon as we were able, we got right back to trying. I ordered some early pregnancy test that same month because I wanted to shorten the two-week wait.  I don’t think my cycle was really different since we began to try but because we were trying, I became increasingly aware of anything that could be perceived as a symptom. I would get psyched up and have a huge let down at the first hint of a period. I even dreamed that I had sore breast once that was so real that when I woke up, my breast were really sore…or so I thought.  As soon as I rubbed them to check if they were in fact sore, the “soreness” disappeared.

When I went to order the pregnancy test, I saw they had a kit for sale that included ovulation test strips as well.  I knew the Lord was saying to get the kit but I didn’t do it.  After all I have an app that tells me when I ovulate, when my period is due, and when I am most fertile.  I didn’t need help trying to conceive, I needed help knowing if I was pregnant.  After that disappointing month, I ordered the ovulation test strips. I tested every day from cycle day 13 through 23 and got nothing. I had faint lines, barely there lines, and no lines but never a bold line or a line equal to the test line.  My husband and I still worked at it but I had no way of knowing if there was anything to “talk hold” of.  I figured that if God told me to buy the test that it would have worked and I would know for sure if our days of trying would have a shot at conception.  Not sure what His plan is but at least I know that up until this point I have not been disobedient in this regard.

So now, here I am cycle day 25 with heavy feeling, fuller looking breast, a feeling of bloat in my belly, very mild cramps yesterday, no twinging (which is a good sign for me), and increased appetite (which could just be my greediness in general rearing its ugly head.  You may want to read about Rhonda) hoping I’m pregnant. I even took one of the early pregnancy test I bought.  Yes, I know it’s “too early to tell” but I was hopeful.  Yes, it was negative.  My two-week wait is down to 6 days as of tomorrow (I have a 32day cycle).  I will test again in three days because with the test I bought, it should be able to tell me then for sure. Here’s hoping.

Update: I handled the disappointment of not being pregnant better this time.  I am so focused and comforted knowing that God is the best Mommy-baby matchmaker that I have no more worries. It will happen and I will enjoy life.

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