To all who are trying and waiting…may I sit next to you?
My husband and I started to try to conceive as soon as flow made her return. I took that as my “all clear” sign. Unfortunately, according to my weekly blood tests, my hCG levels were not at or below 5. My nurse said I was getting what probably seemed to me to be a period but she wasn’t fully convinced. Well, I was and my husband and I acted like I was if you know what I mean.
But, as God had it, we could not make head way in trying at that time because I was prescribed another medication for another condition that could not be taken by a pregnant woman or a woman trying to conceive. We had to hold off three weeks. Painful.
As soon as I finished the medicine, it was too late in my cycle to have a chance at if for that month. Talk about bummed.
As soon as we were able, we got right back to trying. I ordered some early pregnancy test that same month because I wanted to shorten the two-week wait. I don’t think my cycle was really different since we began to try but because we were trying, I became increasingly aware of anything that could be perceived as a symptom. I would get psyched up and have a huge let down at the first hint of a period. I even dreamed that I had sore breast once that was so real that when I woke up, my breast were really sore…or so I thought. As soon as I rubbed them to check if they were in fact sore, the “soreness” disappeared.
When I went to order the pregnancy test, I saw they had a kit for sale that included ovulation test strips as well. I knew the Lord was saying to get the kit but I didn’t do it. After all I have an app that tells me when I ovulate, when my period is due, and when I am most fertile. I didn’t need help trying to conceive, I needed help knowing if I was pregnant. After that disappointing month, I ordered the ovulation test strips. I tested every day from cycle day 13 through 23 and got nothing. I had faint lines, barely there lines, and no lines but never a bold line or a line equal to the test line. My husband and I still worked at it but I had no way of knowing if there was anything to “talk hold” of. I figured that if God told me to buy the test that it would have worked and I would know for sure if our days of trying would have a shot at conception. Not sure what His plan is but at least I know that up until this point I have not been disobedient in this regard.
So now, here I am cycle day 25 with heavy feeling, fuller looking breast, a feeling of bloat in my belly, very mild cramps yesterday, no twinging (which is a good sign for me), and increased appetite (which could just be my greediness in general rearing its ugly head; you may want to read about Rhonda) hoping I’m pregnant. I even took one of the early pregnancy test I bought. Yes, I know it’s “too early to tell” but I was hopeful. Yes, it was negative. My two-week wait is down to 6 days as of tomorrow (I have a 32day cycle). I will test again in three days because with the test I bought, it should be able to tell me then for sure. Here’s hoping.
Update: I handled the disappointment of not being pregnant better this time. I am so focused and comforted knowing that God is the best Mommy-baby matchmaker that I have no more worries. It will happen and I will enjoy life.