Punk Husbands Or Poorly Educated Wives?

I had a conversation with a married man a few days ago in which it was said to me that, “If Mama,” meaning his wife, “says no, I won’t be going anywhere.”

Umm no.

It would be funny or okay if it was said in jest but he was serious. If his wife said he could not go out and play a sport that he enjoyed, then he could not go.

Isn’t he a grown man?  I married a grown man.  I want him to be a grown man.  I did not adopt a grown child when I married so why would I treat him as such?

For me, retail can be therapeutic.  So can an evening by myself, pizza and a movie, an afternoon nap, or thirty minutes on the elliptical machine. I take those when I need them.  Further more, my husband sees the necessity of me doing those activities as well.  How then could I deny him to do what he enjoys doing?  How then is it that wives feel that they can dictate when their husband is free to take time for themselves in activities they like?

The husband is not at the beck and call of his wife (nor vise versa but the purpose of this post is not from that perspective).  He is not there solely to provide and do all things on the honey-do-list at nauseum. My husband likes to play video games.  It is his release.  How dare I tell him he can’t play that!  I like to play Candy Crush and listen to books on CD’s while I wash the dishes and put clothes away.  If I can do that as my release, why can’t he take the time to do what he enjoys?

We, wives, can lose sight of that importance in our pursuit of order for our households. Wanting things to be in line and done according to how we have planned it out in our minds can not trump our spouses need to relax when he needs to relax.

What really troubles me is how many husbands think this treatment is okay or the status quo for marriages! I have been so quick to call these men punks.  What is really needed is a re-education of wives.

(PS. Woman Power by Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a fantastic read)


2 thoughts on “Punk Husbands Or Poorly Educated Wives?

  1. I think the married man you spoke to probably meant if his wife didn’t want him to go out due to her actually needing him for something, then he wouldn’t go out. If that was the case, that’s not a punk of a husband, that’s a real man who actually takes his wife’s needs into consideration because he is not single. I’ll speak of my marriage of almost 10 years. Yes, my husband and I do things separately and if what we both want to do does not interfere with the happenings of our household then we both feel fine doing it. But if our “wish list” interferes with our household we are both secure enough in our marriage to speak up and say, hey, I need you home tonight or hey, I need your undivided attention. I have no problem if my husband ever “interferes” with my “me” time and I know for a fact my husband feels the same way. I personally think there’s an issue when a wife or husband doesn’t take the other into consideration.

    1. Xara

      What I heard and observed somewhat was more over lord talk and not mutual respect. Mutual respect in putting your spouses or household needs before your own is great! What I was addressing was the monitoring of a wife over her husbands need to just be (in whatever capacity he finds release in). That is not mutual respect.

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