I’ve been a Pastor’s wife for all of eight months and I am done with it. This job is the most thankless job I could ever have. I never know what to do or say. Even with my spouse I have to be careful because I am also talking to a the Pastor. My heart is to help and be his helpmate and sometimes I get it right! By the magnificent grace of God I get it right. But when I get it wrong, there is no safe place for me to go.
For the first time as a Pastor’s wife I taught a Bible Study. This study was different from anything else ever offered at our church before. It was a very good class and recently ended. My husband instituted something new this year for the classes and I, thinking I am being helpful to him, and trying to shield him from what may be said of this, said I, due to the nature of the class I taught, didn’t think it was a good idea for it to be applied to that class.
That was the wrong thing to do.
I am sure I could feel worse, but right now, I feel pretty bad.
I tried to discuss it. I tried to maintain the mystery of the class (it was a class for wives only) while still explaining why I said what I said. It didn’t work. I feel like a child that got scolded and, even though they had a valid point, was sent to bed without dinner anyway.
I heard him plainly say that when he does anything, I of all people need to be on board with it especially if it has already been discussed and I made no previous objections. In my defense, I never considered that the class I taught would be included in this new direction. I was thinking based on what I knew about what I would be teaching and he did not have that foreknowledge.
Apparently, it is too late to bring it up any concerns now. Apparently, I have taken the wind out of his sails and all things related to Xara have been nixed from his new plans. I never meant for this to happen. I can’t fix it because his thoughts are now cemented and I am found wanting.
I now know in quite a glaring way, that I must be careful in all things I say and in all non-verbal cues. That is a lot of pressure.
I know I can’t recover from this blunder of all blunders but I hope to remember what not to say next time.