How To Sabotage Loving Acts Of Kindness

Scott had a death in his family.  Tanya told my husband that he was taking in pretty hard. Immediately, my husband wanted to know when the funeral was going to be held so he could make sure to get there, at least for part of it, so Scott would see his face.  It was more than the right thing to do.  It is an act of a loving father.

Now, that being said, here is what years of foolishness, buffoonery, and selfishness do loving acts of kindness.

The death occurred on a Monday.  My husband received the call early Friday morning, four days after the death occurred. Four days of grieving passed before he was called. One would think, at least I did when the call first came, that the call would be about the death and when the funeral was.  Nope. That was not the purpose of the call.  The purpose of the call was to inform my husband that Tanya and her mother had a disagreement on how Scott should grieve. That was the bulk of the conversation.  No mention was made of when the funeral would be, how the person passed, or of Scott’s closeness to the relative. I was so befuddled.

Usually, I don’t question Brian about his conversations with Tanya. I give him time to process the conversation and wait until he tells me what’s going on. This time, I asked him immediately because I was so confused.  The conversation seemed unfinished.

While Tanya was talking, Brian muted the phone to tell me one of Scott’s relatives passed so I knew the gist of the call but when he got off the phone, he didn’t say anything else.  I assumed the call would have included talk about the kids coming over that weekend or something like that especially since Scott was taking it so hard.  When Brian got off the phone I asked him what else was said so I could prepare and  adjust any weekend plans  if needed.  When he said that was it, I looked at him dumbfounded.   All I could think was, “You mean to tell me this chick called here to talk about herself? That the bulk of her conversation had to do with her disagreement with her mother and how she thinks she made the right call?” Now that’s some mess.

This happening after the I-must-make-at-least-part-of-this-day about me behavior last week, has shown me just how deep her self-absorption really is.

The following day, my husband inquired about the funeral and intended to go.  We had some inclement weather and their were some major accidents on the roads and my husband was not able to get to the funeral.  My thought from the beginning was, even though I knew my husband was going to want to go, that he should not go simply because of who we are dealing with. This act of love towards Scott and kindness in general towards Tanya would be used and skewed.  It is par for the course for Tanya, Bella, and Scott to take something simple and manipulate it to be molded to what they want.  I could easily see my husband being told what to do once he got there.  Do this, do that, take Scott over here to see so-and-so,  stay and  help clean up after the repast.  I am not making this stuff up. This is who Tanya is.   I did NOT want my husband in that position but I have learned that there are MANY times to keep silent and pray.  God handled it.  Brian told me that as he got in the car and prepared to drive off that he got the sense that God was telling him not to go; that it would not be worth it.  My husband’s intentions were worth it.  Scott is worth it but the aggravation of the whole is not.

That is what years of foolishness, buffoonery, and selfishness do to loving acts of kindness.


5 thoughts on “How To Sabotage Loving Acts Of Kindness

  1. One thing I have learned from years of dealing with people who I think aren’t “worth it,” is God thought I was worth it when He put His Son on that cross. Jesus endured more than we can ever tolerate and comprehend and showed loving kindness, compassion, empathy, etc. despite being ridiculed and what have it. Sometimes we need to die to self, ignore how we think we will be looked at for the greater good of the person we seek to lend support to. Of course I’m not the one who has to deal with the nonsense of Tanya, but the son is worth the aggravation.

    1. Xara

      Tika, I really don’t know about being worth the aggravation. I know the correct answer is “of course he is worth it” but the real answer is contrary to that. I often think that Scott and Bella have chosen a side (when there shouldn’t have been sides in the first place) and act in the best interest of their side. I don’t think there is any way of proving something to an adult and children that they don’t want to believe. Anything we do will be viewed through a negative perspective with no hope of understanding.

  2. Julia

    Ok, I think I got one. Maybe she called Brian because she wanted to hear a voice of reason??? Or did she just call to verify that what she said was right? Obviously you all would not have known about the death if Tanya didn’t need something from you. Amazeballs. Absolutely cray-cray.

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