(Some) RAW Feelings From A Pastor’s Wife and A Stepmom

Just last week, I read that the schedule of a Pastor’s family is constantly abnormal.  I rated my life at that moment and realized that that particular aspect of being a Pastor’s wife was not my reality.  Boy! What a difference a few days makes!

Y’all know I love Zumba.  I like to exercise in general but I really REALLY enjoy my Zumba classes. My instructor teaches three days a week and two of the days are lost to me because I put God first.  That was a rough lesson.  I remind you that I wrote another post about attending a Bible Study I have NO wish to attend which will meet on one of my normal gym nights.  Saturdays have been the only day available during the week that I can go shake something.  This Saturday will be the first Saturday in a bit over a month that I have been able to make a class. (I am SO looking forward to it!) I started to allow my brain to go back to our normal schedule of Zumba on Saturday’s only to peek at the church calendar and see that (blast it all to hades) there is crap scheduled for the next month (almost) that I am expected to attend!  Screw this mess! Why does everything start or end early afternoon Saturday?  If my class was scheduled earlier, none of this would be a problem but it is not! I already don’t go one evening because it is too late for my Jazmine to be out because we have Bible study early the next morning and I can’t go another evening because we have Jazmine in AWANA.  This blows!!!!

Oh and did I mention that on top of the March activities on “my” schedule, these mofo’s want to add stuff to my April Saturday’s also? I am so done!

On top of that, I have had it with Tanya, Bella, and Scott. All three of them use ANYTHING to focus the attention back on their microcosm world. We had a family celebration this weekend and Scott left something at home that he could have used while here.  Mind you, what he left would have been necessary if we could have retrieved it the same day he arrived but since it wasn’t going to arrive until Saturday, we could have done without it.  He could have roughed it because he made the mistake of leaving it but Tanya made the trip to get it to him.  No problem there.  Where I do have a problem is how they used something that innocent to attempt to refocus a day dedicated to our family to be specific to them!  (By “our” family I mean it was a Lee family production that they happened to be here for.  Not because they are not welcome or expected to attend but because so often they miss ALL Lee family productions by their choice) I was so disgusted!  Something that should have taken a few minutes turned into 20 plus minutes!  They could have gotten an Oscar or at the very least a Day Time Emmy for their performance especially Tanya. Praise God that I did not dwell on it and was able to get me and mine (Jazmine and my husband) in the car to get started with our day.  There were times during that family celebration that Bella and Scott wanted attention diverted to them.  I set Scott right and there wasn’t another refocus attempt from him…at least not towards me. With Bella, it’s different.  I KNOW and operation on the fact that if I set little hips straight, her and her grudge holding Momma will use me to hang all their own personal hangup’s on. Hers will come when she is 18.  No, I am not planning it and I don’t look forward to it but I know the day is coming and it will be safest for me to continue to practice restraint until Bella reaches legal age.

I had never EVER been so ready for Bella and Scott to go back to their Momma. I offered to take them back myself just to get them home sooner. I hope they don’t come over this weekend.  If they do, I may have to look up a bread and breakfast to go to because I am not fully recovered yet from this last visit to deal with it all again. My nerve endings are still raw and tingling.  The tone of speech used with my husband, the tone of entitlement that comes from both children, and the meanness comes from them is toxic to my environment.

There you have it.  Xara in the raw.  Pray me through because right now, I could rip each and every person involved our ministry and in my stepmom life a new one! Believe that!




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