Mourning A Dream

When you ask God for something, you have to be prepared for the answer.

I have been wanting to become a Dental Hygienist for ever since I can remember.  That was my first “real” job desire.

I made the decision to go to the local state college like everyone else instead of going to the local commuter school because I wanted to live on campus and not in my parents house.

I made the decision not to transfer out to a dental hygiene program afer two years because I wanted to stay with the people I entered school with.

When I finally graduated college, I swore I would not go back to school .

Now I find myself longing for the career.

The driving forces for even considering such a thing were as follows: A young woman I know is pursing the exact same thing.  I was jealous that she could so easily do what I could not.  I felt like I had a part of my life that was unfulfilled and I wanted to check that off of my list.  I also had lingering concerns that I would be desperate for employment if my husband died unexpectedly. I thought it would be practical to have a marketable skill.

I recently found out that a local community college now offers a Dental Hygiene program.  I was so excited!  I started to look into what I needed to do to apply.  I had all the prerequisites save one.  I was hoping to just take the Dental Hygiene classes only but my degree is old.  I would have to test out of Anatomy & Physiology (A&P) to have any chance of only taking the last year of the program.  I started to hash out how and when I would study to take this exam by early summer.  I found a practice A&P Exam online.

I spent at least an hour on that exam. In the mean time, my almost five yr old made her own lunch by her own choice and brought me and my husband some water.   At some point in my checking the answers to the exam  I took, it dawned on me.  I missed an entire hour of my almost five-year olds development.  She wanted and made  her own lunch.  I was not engaged with her during this time.  My praise wasn’t as effusive as it would have normally been.  I missed all of that in that one single hour.  How much more would I miss by going back to school?  My family is more important.  In fact, at that moment of realization, I told both my husband and daughter  individually that they were more important.  I am not knocking any mother who decides to go back to school.  Situations vary and it may very well be the best choice and the direction God wants them to take.  That is not my story. Where I am right now in life, there is no room to pursue that. That was God’s answer to me.  It was also God’s answer when I asked him 1o years ago when I tried to do the same thing 🙂

 

This time, I asked God to remove my desire if this was not of Him. I do not want to have lingering feelings of how-can-I’s if He does not want it to be. Praise God I don’t have a hankering for it today.  As for the future,  I trust Him to take care of Jazmine and I if something ever happens to my husband and I need to find employment and a billable skill.  Our God is ABLE to carry us through.

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