Stand By Your Man

Husband leaves stained shirt on the top of the dirty clothes pile laid out so the stain is clearly visible.  When asked why he did that, his response was, “So you could see it and put stain remover on it.” Wife responded, “The stain remover is two steps from where you laid your shirt.  You put stain remover on it!”    This is me.

I am not innately nor did I aspire to become that kind of wife.  What is that kind of wife you ask?  The wife that would say “it’s okay honey” to passive aggressive acts her husband does. The wife who has a husband who leaves the light on over the sink to “tell” her that the dishes need to be cleaned and just smiles and washes the dishes.  That is NOT me ’cause I’ll be daggone!

I had been getting a sense from the Lord that He wanted me to work side-by-side with my husband.  I was uncooperative because I did not want to become that wife.  My husband is a dreamer.  He casts visions for people to show them how things can work if they work towards the goal collectively.  His wife, me Xara, is a task master.  I take the list and complete it. You would think we would work together seamlessly.  Not so.

I translate his thoughts into commands and get started then get frustrated when he says “why are you doing that?” because to him, he was just talking.  To me, it was a charge to move forward.  Because of that, I found it…not just difficult but more…never gonna happen with him. I would never volunteer to do ANYTHING for him to help him out unless he was clear, concise, and could explain it to me in detail what he needed or wanted and why he wanted me to do it.  To me if you want to talk to just talk, tell me that in the first place otherwise I think the topic of conversation has a purpose and goal to move towards.

As God began to move me towards working side-by-side with my husband, we started to have honest, deep, honest, specific, honest, example laden, honest, calm, honest, pleasant conversations about what we liked and disliked about each others style and approach to work. He talks and mulls over things aloud with people (brainstorming) before coming up with a framework.  I don’t say squat until I have first outlined the framework.  Those God-led discussions melted away my apprehensions of becoming that wife with my husband.

For one thing, my husband is not that husband so I have no need to concern myself with becoming that wife.  Secondly, the things that I am partnered with my husband to do weren’t thrown at me in a lazy ‘I-ain’t-doing-that attitude. They were simply things that he needed to do that I could help him accomplish.  Mind you, he didn’t even ask me to do anything.  I felt the quickening of the Holy Spirit say I was to do those things.  Example: Make an appointment for the car at the dealership and reserve a hotel room for his school trip.   Thirdly, our working together side-by-side is KEY to us moving out of this house. I want that more than I can tell y’all. I told the Lord I would do whatever He needed me to do to get up outta here!

God eased every area of concern I had for working with my husband.  I pray I remain sensitive to His promptings in this area.


4 thoughts on “Stand By Your Man

  1. Girl, I applaud you for your honesty and realizing that marriage is more about being a team than thinking you’re being a doormat. Without working together to accomplish goals, it is so difficult to move forward and have that true intimacy that surpasses the physical crap. Continue allowing the Holy Spirit to lead you. You got this.

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