I’m going to get really real with you all in this post.
This is a no holds barred, nitty-gritty, bare bones honest post. I am not dressing this up at all.
My family is beginning a subculture and I DO NOT LIKE IT AT ALL but I am at a loss for what to do about it.
We have not seen Bella or Scott in months; since May 18 in fact. Recently, Bella has been communicating with her father, my husband, pretty consistent basis. That’s all well and good. I am glad my husband can hear from his child and his heart is joyful because of it.
Here is my issue. For reasons that only the residents of Tanya’s house know for certain, neither Bella nor Scott have been over but my husband is going to go down to visit them at Tanya’s house next week. I am not feeling it. This is the beginning of a subculture within a culture and I DO NOT LIKE IT.
I am no longer disillusioned by my original goal(s) when I walked into our newly created bonus family on our wedding day. I no longer seek what is not there. I no longer seek a working relationship to be where I am the only one working for that relationship with my children’s mother. I no longer try to walk to their drum. I do see things for what they are and hear what people say they are by watching what they do.
I don’t know if Tanya is going to be home when my husband goes to visit. I don’t know if he plans on taking the kids out when he is there or if the visit will at their house. I do know that after not seeing his child for months now, the visit will not be brief and from what I know of Tanya, I FULLY expect her to beat a path to her home while my husband is there. I also know that if he does take the kids out, it will be yet another time of “whenever Daddy is over we get stuff” which, to me, is not building a real relationship but more milking it for all it’s worth.
When Bella graduated from elementary and middle school, Tanya made sure she got her “family” pictures of my husband, Bella, Scott, and herself. There was one that included Jazmine and I but that was generic because Brian was not in that one. It was just me and the kids. I know what that is. Don’t use my husband to create “your family”. I hate that! And now, this visit is going to feed that mess. Yes, father and daughter need to see each other. No, it should not matter where. But this is not just about father and daughter although it should be. I am trying to stay in my lane, not voice my displeasure because I know my husband and I trust him but this isn’t about him. This is about a trifling woman and the manipulations a child has learned playing out and I am heated about it.
The only weapon I have against this attack is prayer. It is a very powerful weapon indeed but I wish there was something I could do or say but with these sticky bonus mom situations, silent prayer is often the best way to go.
If you are wondering why I said “weapon” it is because this subculture is divide and conquer. It is not supportive, inclusive, nor accepting of wife and family. I am tolerated, not respected, which, personally, I could care less about but when you start to pull at my husband!!!! I crack my knuckles and get loose because now someone’s getting a beat down.
I know my role and Tanya nor my bonus children are a threat to that whatsoever. If I ever felt that they were a threat, I would have to get my mind right first and communicate with my husband. We deal with our stuff between us. Every other factor can be removed or pushed back to its appropriate place. This divide and conquer bull crap is an attempt to make something for themselves with my husband. It’s “your single neighbor asking if your husband can come over and cut the grass for her” on steroids! At some point that heifer is going to have to hire a professional! My husband has his own yard to worry about!