The past week has been filled with instructions for moving forward.
Earlier this month, I finished a book entitled No More Christian Nice Girl by Paul Coughlin & Jennifer D. Degler. I started reading it in the fall of last year. I determined to finish the book last month and I did. I inhale books I read for pleasure however, mindset/godly living books take me forever to finish! I take a lot more breaks when I read books that actually read me in return. One of the authors made the statement that conflict breeds intimacy. The only way I don’t mind conflict is when I am irrevocably in the right and trust me when I tell you, in those cases, I have sought many opinions on the matter to ensure that I didn’t oversee anything before confronting someone. Any other time, I used to cower in silence for fear of the results of dealing with whatever issue it was. (I agree that my idea of conflict equals that of confrontation meaning a conflict for me is anything that may cause me to have to confront anyone about anything, real or perceived. ) So, as someone who avoids conflict like the plague, this was hard to hear. I did grow to accept that fact and let it grow in my spirit.
Soon after finishing the book, I had an unexpected heart to heart with my husband about the sate of our living and financial situation. Instead of always answering his questions about my feelings with “I’m fine” or “It’s okay” I was very blunt, though not unlovingly, about what I really felt. I viewed that conversation as a conflict because it had the potential to have my husband and I on opposite view points and those situations make me feel nervous and instinctively wrong for thinking other than how he thinks. This time, I answered honestly and prepared to face whatever was on the other side of my honest answers. And guess what? Conflict does breed intimacy.
Within 24-hours of that conversation that I have almost always avoided, we had a new plan. Something we could both sink our teeth into. A direction other than “time will tell”. We felt closer to each other. I was actually excited about the days and weeks ahead and can realistically plan instead of saying “if the Lord wills” which was code for “we will see” which is code for “I don’t know what’s going on. I am just existing right now”. And to think, all that time I was thinking I was walking by faith. What a laugh! In order to walk by faith, you must walk. I was standing stock still!
I am in the midst of a lot of new. New school year, new attitude about said school year, new Facebook page, new Twitter page, new interest to explore, new housing to find. Moving forward is fun!