I am used to running on all cylinders.
- I have my meals planed out for a least a week
- My laundry is washed, dried, and put away Sunday evening
- Jazmine is in bed on time
- My prayer time is first thing in the morning
- My hair and my child’s hair is done
- My reading time is at Jazmine’s bed time
- The house is cleaned on a schedule that is not overwhelming but attainable
I feel sane.
That has not been the case in the past two weeks. It has actually worsened.
- Jazmine’s hair is a mess. I have not stayed on top of her strands and she looks unkept
- The toilets have not been cleaned in two weeks
- The floors have not been vacuumed completely.
- A dog would have a field day on the kitchen floor
- Last week’s laundry is still folded up in the laundry basket
- This week’s laundry is laying across the bed
- Jazmine’s bed time has been consistently an hour late
I could go on but there is no need. You get the picture.
Oh and to add to that already condensed depressing, list my relationship with a close relative has worn me raw.
The things I listed above is not earth shattering in and of itself. A unvacuumed floor should send no one into a state of depression. However, in life you face the possibility of not having health insurance, waiting to see if a paycheck will come this month, hoping the car continues to run, then more importance is given to the mundane tasks. More attention is giving to things like I mentioned because if daily items a – c are accomplished then I feel whole. If they are not accomplished, the heavyweight pressures that I already face that I can do nothing about become all the more heavy.
I was on that never-ending hamster wheel…you know the one…where I am depressed so I eat, then because I have eaten, I get depressed. In my case I was depressed because my house wasn’t clean, and because my house wasn’t clean, I got depressed. Things that bothered me bothered me more. In areas where I had grown thick skin, that skin shriveled up.
It took me a long time to realize I was in the midst of spiritual warfare. (Eph 6:10-17)
10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age,[c] against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God;
No amount of normalcy in my life would have fixed it. I had to seek God. After first putting on my full armor, I would pick up and read my daily reading (sidenote, if you started a daily reading and have since stopped, go back. Don’t get caught up in how far behind you are. Start today. Not where you last stopped but start fresh from today’s reading and walk forward). But that didn’t “work”. I still felt oppressed and depressed. I still had a weight pressing down on me.
Praising my way through is something new that I had not learned the value of. I have heard testimonies from different people of how praising God was the only thing that kept them going. I had not come to know God in that way yet. Normally, just a little talk with Jesus was all I needed to get better. This time around, the warfare was so great, I had to go deeper still. Beth Moore spoke on that in her David series. She spoke of how sometimes, in our walks, God will single us out to go deeper still. You may be the only one in your peer group that has had to or as ever faced a particular struggle, crisis, or circumstance. God is calling you to take the plunge in Him and walk with Him through it. Nothing else will do. Nothing else will satisfy. That particular struggle, crisis, or circumstance was not designed by God to be filled by anything or anyone else except for Him. Know that.
Getting back to praise. After I prayed and read, I put on some praise and worship music. Israel and New Breed has a new CD that we have been wearing out! I turned it on and started to get back into my routine. It was evening and time for me to make dinner. I can’t tell you what happened or how but there is power is praise. I was not the same. By the second song in, relief came. I was not in the same emotional state when I finished making dinner. Praising God brought me through.