In Response 1

The following is a comment a reader wrote in response to the This Broad Here post:

Through your post, I can feel your frustration with the whole situation. One thing I have to comment on is it is really not right to exclude the mom from your house. Yes, I don’t understand the situation fully since I am not l,iving it, BUT, you both share something in common, a child with your husband. Before you got married, you knew full well there was some “baggage” involved. What are you teaching your child when you exclude the mother of her sister from even entering your house? What are you teaching your child when there is straight up animosity and immaturity going on? No, you might never, ever, be one big happy family, but you are family and will forever be connected due to children. To foster a healthier environment that your child’s relationship with her sibling can flourish and stop all the unnecessary drama, you might want to rethink stooping down to the mother’s level. Being a Christian is not something we take off when it’s inconvenient for us. You show the love of Christ to even the unlovable. You know I have love for you, but you are wrong on this one because you are not modeling the right behavior for the children. If Bella is being disrespectful, she’s wrong regardless. At the same time, try being in her shoes and seeing that their is such hostility between her mom, dad, and step mom. She lives with her mom and of course will start taking her side and acting up. You need to be the bigger person, regardless if you feel slighted. Yes, you are the wife, but yes, you also married into this and somebody should be the adult.

I appreciate the comment and the insight/advice it contains. As you read this blog, please respond if you have a question or want to offer another point of view as it may help me or another reader.  I hope not to make it a practice to respond to a comment with a post but in this case, I thought it best to do so in case other readers share the same feelings as this reader.  It may also help other bonus moms verbalize a response to the same thought.
What I appreciate most about this comment is that it forced me to revisit my motives. Not allowing Tanya into my home is not a decision that was made hastily nor is it a decision that only applies to her. No one who disrupts the peace on my household is welcome into my home.  NO ONE. This is not exclusive to Tanya.  She simply falls under the guidelines I have for those who do not receive invitations into the Lee compound.  Women who try to get too friendly with my husband, men who make me uncomfortable, anyone speaks poorly of me or my husband, and people who try to parent our child are not welcome in our home. PERIOD.
It only takes meeting one guideline to be unwelcome in our household and, in this regard, Tanya is an overacheiver. But, like I said before, these guidelines are and would be the same even it Tanya did not exist! It is my role as wife and mother to make our home a safe environment for all its occupants with my husband at the top of that list. Anyone who does anything and continues to do anything in the guidelines I wrote above is not welcome in our household.
Tanya is not the only person unwelcome.  There are some others on that list. Some have recently been granted an olive branch to come back to our home. But believe you me, at the first sign of them returning to their former ways which put them on the list in the first place, they need not darken my doorway again.
(PS. the bolds are not yelling in response to the reader.  They are to express to all how serious I am about protecting our family, home, and marriage from anything that threatens it)

4 thoughts on “In Response 1

  1. Tika

    You are such a nut on how you articulate your point!! Great point! I also had to take a stand against the man who raised me when it came to my attention he was disrespecting my husband, the man who was working his butt off to give him a roof over his head! I know you will continue to take heed to the Holy Spirit and I am still praying for what you asked me to pray about before. I love you!

    1. Xara

      I’ve been called a nut in person so it’s good to know I am consistent even in print! LOL Thank you for continuing to pray for me (us).

  2. gen

    I found your blog today. It’s a breath of fresh air to hear truth about the sometimes ugly side of blended families. I appreciate your boundaries here. I am a step mom who’s had 4 years of hell because of my husband’s ex. The entire family had been scarred because we learned the hard way. The bible is crystal clear about protecting your children, your family, yourself, etc. The bible teaches boundaries for safety and longevity. Sometimes the best way for Christians to be Christian is to be silent and alert…this is a hard thing to do after being attacked, threatened and used.

    1. Xara

      Thank you for reading Gen. I am glad you found this blog to be a breath of fresh air. Being a stepmom, and a Christian stepmom at that, can be uber lonely and make your feel like you cant feel the way you do and that your points aren’t valid. That is far from the truth and I am grateful that God has used me in such a way to shed light in this blended family life 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s