Bella’s birthday is approaching. It has been the same routine about four years now I believe. She has a family dinner at the restaurant of her choice on the very day of her birth. We meet up in their town at the chosen time and share a meal.
I have been less apprehensive this year. As much as I am concerned for Bella, I am becoming removed from her and her life. It’s not like I’ve had an invitation to be close to her except when it was convenient for Tanya but I still tried. Now, I am excepting my role in their eyes as “his wife” and I don’t try for more. The questions I ask Brian about Bella’s welfare now are non specific especially since I know we don’t get even a third of the whole story. But I also don’t ask because…because…my care has no merit. The train has already left the station. This child is in high school now. It’s a wrap. Things are now taking off on their own in the direction Tanya sought out at Bella’s birth. I really do not see myself as apart of her. Acceptance took a long time but it is finally here. Now that I have accepted this, I don’t fight it.
Tanya also seems to be campaigning a “we’ve always gotten along so I’m not going to let anything change that” slogan. Not that I’ve heard it said, but I am seeing it play out. I think Tanya has accepted something regarding me. I believe she is resolved that we will never get along and that no matter what she does, it will never be enough to have a working relationship with me. I believe she is content with x-ing me out of the equation and is working on mending and maintaining a friendly working relationship with Bella’s father, my husband.
If I am correct, she is not entirely off the mark. No, I have no desire to have a relationship with her past an acquaintance because I’ve yet to make friends with anyone with her personality/disposition, at least the part of her that she’s shown us/me. However, I also believe she put a lot of stock in her actions and not in her speech/tone in her attempts to “smooth things out” with me. In her defense, she seems like an, “if everything looks good then everything will be good” type of person and I am not that way. If I know things below the surface are a problem, I want to deal with that. I don’t fake the funk. As much as I don’t deal with folk who are like her, I am SURE she doesn’t deal with folk who are like me.
So, again, based on what I’ve come to know of her, I believe her conclusions about me are as correct.
Had this been a few years back or even 12 months ago for that matter, I would fight this new campaign, specifically the x-ing me out part. But, I am glad for the visible growth in Christ that I’ve had in Him. I’m not going to fight this. At least not guns blazing fight. I will speak to it if need be but not with the fervency that comes from fear. I will only speak truth and truth cuts the crap regardless of how sweetly its delivered.
I trust my husband (but I trust God first) and I trust and believe that he will see right through any play that is made for his “swaying to her side” even if she uses Bella and/or Scott. In fact, I am confident in this.