With Fear And Trembling

This is part of my testimony.  If I don’t write it now while in the throes of it, it may not come across as authentic when we come through on the other side.

Over the past year or so, God has been reassuring me that our time in the ark is coming to a permanent end. About two weeks or so ago, while I was in prayer, God whispered October 5 to me; that that is the day when we would come out of the ark. I didn’t take Him at His word at first because 1) I want to be out so badly I was unsure I was really hearing from Him, 2) He gave me an exact date and that has not been my experience with Him before 3) I was afraid to believe and be wrong.  In order to know for certain that it is the Lord speaking to me about this, something has to happen October 5.  Something concrete has to happen. Our coming out of the ark means that 1) we move and 2) we have children.  No, I don’t expect to move and have a baby on that day.  I do expect that my husband will tell me to look for a house, and that I won’t have to look in hope but in knowing that we have the financial stability to move.  I do expect for my husband to tell me that I can stop using our current birth control method and try to conceive.

Why do I expect those things?

I went to the Women of Faith Conference in August. While there, I had a heart to heart with God. I asked Him if there was something else I needed to be doing for Him, and what else He wanted of me.  No strings attached.  Just wanted to know if there was anything else I could do in service to Him for Him because I want to serve Him. His response was that I am to continue to be wife and mother.  I asked Him if I could/would have more children.  He said yes, I would have twin boys.  (I had previously asked for twin boys.) I was relieved, excited, and hopeful for the future. But then, we went back to the waiting game.

Which brings us back to now.

I will be sending out an email to some prayer warriors I know to be in prayer with me during this time.  I trust God.  I believe He will do what He said He will do, but I still feel the need to be in diligent prayer about this even now and to enlist others to pray with me.

It is a scary thing to publicly speak about what God is telling you.  It is especially scary if what He is telling you has a date to them.  You run the risk of being seen as a fraudulent Christian. It’s a scary thing.

So, I stand here. Stepping out on some serious faith in Christ. Alone. Believing only in Him. Declaring publicly what He said to me, about me, for me.

If I perish, I perish.


2 thoughts on “With Fear And Trembling

  1. I know you didn’t ask me, but I will surely pray for you, your husband and for the things to come. Hang in there. God knows your heart’s desire and continue seeking Him and being obedient to His Word.

  2. Tika is right. Continue to hold on to what God said. Remember it always especially when you start to doubt. If He gave you a verse that reminds you of what He is going to do, READ IT. And especially read it when times get tough.

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