Oh, I am telling on myself with this one. No point in hiding what I did. Hopefully my fall from grace will help someone else; keep them from the same pitfall.
I am a Twitter snob. I don’t follow people. I follow entertainment channels; TMZ, People Magazine etc. I only friend actual friends on Facebook. Everyone I am friends with I have known in person at some point in my life. I am not friends with anyone I would not want to see face to face. I had not joined Instagram because I saw no point. That’s not the confession.
I joined Instagram to see the pictures my daughter posted.
Doesn’t sound so bad? Let me start from the beginning.
About two years ago, when I first initiated a heart to heart with Tanya on the phone, it ended just as it started. I explained myself, she explained herself but there was no meeting of the minds. Because I was fully sated and I knew she was not, I found her on Facebook to see if she wrote a comment about me or our conversation. She did.
From then on, after a disagreement between households, I used to periodically check for comments about me and my husband on her page. Tanya eventually blocked her site/made her wall private. Good decision on her part. I knew my voyeurism was wrong but the gossipy side of me that I thought I had long since gotten rid of, reared its ugly head and I dove in head first. (It’s amazing how those pesky little sins pop up in other mediums of your life and catch you by surprise). I was convicted but that did not stop me from checking in every once in a blue moon.
Then Bella got her on Facebook page. I couldn’t be friends with her because at the time, I had my blog post posted to my Facebook page. Even now, I still won’t because 1. I don’t friend children and 2. My FB page is to be a safe place for me, Xara, to be me.
That didn’t stop me from looking in to see what Bella posted on her page. Why did I do it? The easiest way to find out what a 13-year-old is doing is viewing what she posts. I fear my husband is kept in the dark about many things and I wanted to get the jump on it before he was surprised.
Then along came Instagram. The last visit, my daughter was snapping away pictures on her phone. Cell phones are the new camera so I thought nothing of it until my husband showed me a picture of me that my daughter posted on her Instagram. It wasn’t an unflattering shot but I was caught off guard. I didn’t realize my picture, and that of her sister, would be posted for all to see.
That is when I decided to join Instagram and see what I could see on there; not just to check my pictures, but to see what she posts. I will say this about Tanya. She did good to have herself and Bella hidden from public view. That is safe, especially for children. I could only see pictures my husband was tagged in.
It was during this Instagram thing that I, once again, was convicted of my wrong doing. I had to ask myself, “What am I trying to find? Why am I trying to find anything? Why do I care? Do I care?”
Self defense. That’s the answer. I don’t like to be caught off guard. I like to know if someone is coming at me with guns blazing. I like to know if my husband is being kept in the dark so I can prep him in advance before he finds out anything officially. I was snooping to out-wit the enemy camp. I expected my own privacy on my own social networking sites but was trying to maneuver around to look at my daughter’s and her mom’s.
My “explanation” doesn’t make my actions right. Tanya is a grown woman. The same privacy I want and expect to have on my FB page is the same thing she seeks as well. I must, can, and do respect that. The same respect extends to Bella as well. I am not in charge of her social networking activity. That is not my job. Therefore, my previous actions were out-of-order.
I am reformed.