Here’s what happened.
Surprise surprise. All of the children were over for Father’s Day weekend. Bella was on her menstrual cycle during her time with us. The first day she was here I asked her if she had enough supplies. She said yes. I reminded her where I keep the supplies and reminded her that she is welcome to them should she need them. The end.
A few days later during this same visit, Brian spoke with Tanya. During the conversation she asked if Bella spoke to us about needing supplies. My husband responded no. She said that Bella told her that when she is with us we force her to use what we (I) have and that is not the brand that Tanya provides for her. My husband told Tanya that maybe she should encourage Bella to speak to him, me, or even her grandmother (my mother-in-law) about it because if we don’t know we can’t be held responsible.
Here is what I know. 1. Bella is thirteen. She is very open and has no problem discussing personal things like her menstrual cycle with us. 2. I was very closed at her age discussing my menstrual cycle with ANYONE including my mother. 3. Bella is not a stranger to lying or manipulation. 4. At 13 girls do a lot of weird things to disguise their cycle. I certainly did.
When Brian told me of their conversation, I explained my position. I buy pads. Tanya told me the brand she purchases for Bella. I do not buy that brand. I’ve tried them and do not care for them. If they are on sale, a good sale, and I have a coupon, I might pick some up, but, normally, I avoid them at all cost. The difference in the brand that I buy and the brand Tanya purchases for Bella is the top layer of the pad. That is all. They are both ultra thin with wings. If anything, mine are longer because I always buy Overnights. To me, that should not make much of a difference to someone in need of a pad so if she needs it, she should use what is available.
My husband suggested that I buy a box to keep here for her to use if she needs it. I looked at him like he had just grown another head. They are pads not tampons. A pad is a pad. Yes, I have a preference with the type of pad I use but I bet if I am without one and I needed one I would use whatever someone had on hand and would have absolutely NO complaints about it especially if they were the thin kind with wings that I get anyway! (PS I’ve been in that position and I did not complain. Was quite grateful actually).
I originally told him no. I was not willing to do that. I did not see the point in buying two brands when she can just use what I have. Then, I got back in my role which is my husbands help-meet. This is his daughter. He wants to do whatever he can to help her. If that means he can help by having the brand of pads she prefers on hand, then so be it. I asked him if he wanted me to buy a box for her and he said yes.
Here’s my problem(s).
1. It still doesn’t make sense to me why I have to buy a separate box. When you are in need, you are in need. Use what is available.
2. I am dealing with a woman, Tanya, who at one time drove to the ark and tossed a bag of pads in the fenced back yard and told her daughter to retrieve them so she would have some to use while she is here. Bella did not retrieve them so Tanya called us about it a few days after her visit and my husband found them outside. I don’t cater to that kind of foolishness.
3. If a woman is particular about the kind of pad she wants her daughter to use, supply her daughter with them and make sure she brings them along.
4. Tanya has told me before what pads she buys for her and (in not so many words) told me to get that for her. Umm. How about no. Particular people need to be prepared.
5. Tanya seems to enjoy dictating what we should do with her children when they are here. This pad thing looks like just another area where she can try to control the goings on of my household. I’m not for it.
6. Why not encourage the child to use what is on hand especially if you are not packing supplies? She is only here for a weekend?
7. I did, for a short time, buy a box of pads for her specifically. Bella took the box home. She bought it back once but used it up at some point at home because it did not make its way back again. That is what 13 year olds do. But this 33-year-old is not buying a new box every month to supply another household.
8. At the beginning of this stage of puberty, my husband told Tanya that I, Xara, am the person she and Bella need to speak with regarding menstrual supplies. Once I told her my stance on the brand thing (reference problem #1 and #3) she has not brought it up again. Now, there seems to be a problem and her daughter is a victim of my purchasing choices. You’ve got to be kidding me. I don’t fool with that nonsense.
Physically, I am going to do what my husband would like me to do, but my motives? My motives are not correct before the Lord. I am only doing it to be obedient in deed which is disobedient to God. God sees my heart/motives. I hope He will work on me before the time comes for me to buy this stupid box of pads because, as you can tell, a sista is HEATED right now!