Push – Pull

Our actions ALWAYS have consequences.  Consequences can be good and bad. Eating healthier has good consequences.  Eating poorly has bad. It’s the same in blended families.

We don’t think about the consequences while we are acting in our feelings to do what we want.  We act for the immediate, not the eternal.

All such actions come to a head.  All such actions create reactions from others.  Why don’t we want to live out the reactions from others?  Why don’t we want to live through the reactions from other people we have caused pain too? No one can just do or say something that hurts and move on without consequence.

The reality of birth.

Once the baby is born, and there are no “Ido’s” said prior, your world is not the same. The tug-of-war war begins. Custodial parent pushes the other parent away. All the newness, all the attention, all the  love and kisses, all the special time with the baby is highly coveted and does not want to be shared.  The few occurrences where custodial parent wants to share it is highly suspect.  The action is usually laced with personal agendas. The non-custodial parent pulls.  Vying for time, the want to bond, the need to stamp their mark on their own child.  The non-custodial parent will do whatever they can and are allowed to do just to be near the child.

The war gets old.

People quit.

The non-custodial stops pulling.

Some begin pushing.

Time passes.

Custodial parent get upset because the non-custodial is no longer trying, pulling, for time or bonding. It becomes the non-custodial parents fault because they are not acting like an adult.

Back to actions and consequences.

Why is it that you, custodial, can act like a child for YEARS and when you start to suffer from your own decisions, others have to “step-up” and be the adult they were originally? People stop pulling.  It does not go on indefinitely. No one walked away because they didn’t want to be there. The price you put on them, purposefully, was too much to bear. You wanted them to leave you alone and let you raise the child the way you desired. You got what you wanted.  Now, its rough. Now, you want help but don’t want to say it.  Now you use beautifully articulated words to colorfully depict how the non-custodial parent can step in and share in the parenting duties.  Of course, in the COMPLETE understanding that they can only step in and do what you say, how, when, and where you say it.  No autonomy.

Umm.  Maybe it’s me but, that is the EXACT same thing that got you in this mess in the first place right?

There is no place for this                                                            between parents who share a child.

(beacon with one hand while simultaneously halting with the other)


4 thoughts on “Push – Pull

  1. Well said. It is a sad truth when we use language like “custodial” and “non-custodial” and “own child”. No one OWNS another human being. We are responsible for them as children…but never own them. Insecure needs to control other people gets us all into a lot of messes.

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