To piggyback on my previous post, there is another reason why I explained my nuclear family dynamic to every soon-to-be-acquaintance I met. It’s because I was a coward.
I wanted to clearly identify that it was not me who brought children into our marriage. It was him. I wanted it to be known without having to explicitly say it that those were his children, not mine. I wanted to get sympathy from the listener; to understand why I didn’t know all of the answers a “real” Mommy would know. I wanted to create distance between me and my big kids but at the same time simulate a closeness between us with that statement in my family; a separate but equal if you will.
Of course, that is impossible. If you want to create a closeness, you do not add distance. The reverse is also true. All of that was just a cover for the truth. To say blended to me means that I too brought something in to this and that is a distinction I wanted to be made very clear was not the case.
No more. I will not act cowardly. I will not verbally defer my big kids to my husband with my words or my tone again. I will no longer make a distinction. If clarification ever needs to be made, it will be spoken but not as a “it’s him” tone but rather in, “this is us” tone. We are the Lee family.