The Box I’ve Created For Myself

If you allow all of life’s hardships to teach you something, there is much to learn.

Today, I noticed that I have slight irritation about my view of our daily parental involvement. I called my husband this evening and invited him to become more involved with our daughters routine (bath time, reading time, pickups/drop-offs etc).  The conversation did not go the way I expected.  My tone was loving and my word choice was not accusatory.  In hindsight, my timing could have been better.  However, the reason for me speaking about this now was to prevent me blowing up about it later on.   The first 15-20 words of my husband’s response was very honest and I did not appreciate anything about what he said.  Words 16/21 through 1000 were much more palatable but could hardly placate my seething furry at words 1-15/20.

After our conversation, I had some time to think.  I was driving in the car by myself and started to pray aloud.  Those twenty minutes in the car gave me a very clear, real, truthful view of the decisions I’ve made.

I’ve said before that the decisions you make today can greatly or gravely affect your life years from now whether you realize it or not.  Well, now, I am on the wrong side of that fence.

A little more than two years ago, one evening, I was straightening up a bit and my husband said he was going to give Jazmine a bath. I asked him not to.  I told him I really enjoyed giving her a good cleaning at night especially after she had a busy day because I knew she was good and dirty.  He said ok. I can count the number of times he has volunteered to bathe her since.

Almost a year ago, I just started homeschooling Jazmine.  One day, my husband sat down and started to teach her some of her lesson.  He was doing bits and pieces of what he knew I go over with her.  I had yet to do the lesson for the day.  Instead of just letting it happen, I decided to give him a tutorial on how I do the lesson so he could emulate that.  I wanted him to do the whole lesson and not a hodge-podge of sorts.  He stopped the lesson and said, “Your Mommy will teach you”.  He’s not taught her a lesson since.

It’s easy to create a box.  One word.  One phrase then boom!  Instant box.  Want out of that box? One word. One phrase.  Followed by many words. Pleadings. Many phrases.  Long spans of time.  May never change.

I couldn’t stay mad at him.  Heck, I created the box that I live in.  I can only ask God to let me learn, grow, and change as I lean on Him as He guides me through each unpleasantness of my decisions long ago.


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