My concern, my bottom line concern, with everything I do is if what I do is pleasing the Lord. That is my goal. That is my all. There is nothing in my life that is off-limits to Him. No matter how painful, how vulnerable, how passionate, how anticipated, or how (insert-your-choice-of-adjectives-here) it is, it is not off-limits to my Lord.
This past week, God dealt with me concerning necessary confrontations. I hate confrontations of any kind and would prefer never to have to call anyone out on anything. Unfortunately, life is not like that. I have gotten better in this area but I am still shocked that some things require me speaking to it before it changes. I don’t understand why people think it is okay for them to increasingly step out-of-bounds and be shocked when they are confronted about it?
Over the weekend, my husband was disrespected by the mother of two of my bonus children. I witnessed it and I heard what was said. My nerve was plucked. I confronted her. It did not go well. I was not expecting to have a kumbaya experience with her but I did expect to be heard. I was not heard. I was given a run-on explanation of her decisions and I was hung up on when I began my response. After being hung up on twice, I communicated my thoughts through text.
(I’ve been mulling it all over, over and over again in my mind since the incident occurred. I am truly dumbfounded. Hanging up? Really? People still do that? I thought we were grown women? Hanging up on folk is middle school behavior. That behavior let me know that I am not dealing with an adult here. A person can have the age and the responsibilities of an adult but those two things do not make one an adult. I am not sure how to listen, take in, and respond in truth to someone like this. I don’t associate on a voluntary basis with anybody who exhibits this behavior. I am truly at a loss.)
As this incident was on repeat in my mind, I continued to go to God in prayer about it. Just this evening, I laid out all the cards on the table to Him. I just need to know that I was/am still pleasing to Him. I need to know that despite the outcome of the incident that He is still pleased with me; that the juvenile response I received does not mean that He is disappointed by my actions.
This is where confrontations are uncomfortable for me. The aftermath. Addressing this woman has been a long time coming. I want assurance from God that although this post confrontation period is uncomfortable, it does not mean that He is displeased with me.