I was so afraid I would fall into the abyss.
When I was a stay-at-home-wife, I felt bad because all I did was what I wanted to do. Compared to the rest of the world, I felt should have some kind of goal beyond making sure my ark was clean but I didn’t.
When I became a stay-at-home-mom, I battled against all these other women trying to prevent myself from turning into something the world despises.
I was truly scared.
The abyss is reckless abandon in the role God has called me to. Fully accepting (even relishing?) in my role as wife and mother with my constant thought (passion?) in my life being how can I be a better wife for the Lord and a better mother for His glory? Not trying to eek out place in this world or find significance in my life beyond my God-given roles. Not trying to find a hobby with which to submerge myself into to buffer any attacks against me being a “sheltered little housewife”. Not trying to get a job just so I can talk shop (swap complaints and hardships) with other working mothers. To fully let my husband be the head of our household. To learn and know what I need to when it comes to our finances as opposed to bulldozing my way in (an action backed by fear) because if I don’t and something happens to my husband, I will look foolish. To relish in the cleanly state of my home. To enjoy making meals for my family even more than eating out. To enjoy every little family moments we have in our home doing basic, daily things without being pressured or longing to keep up with the Jones’.
Well, I fell into the abyss. No. I didn’t fall as if on accident. I jumped in and I have been living in a state of bliss ever since.