Food And Mood

I did it to myself.  It took me several hours of watching worthless drama, a possessed track pad, a frustrated husband, and a hungry toddler whom I kept up past her bedtime to realize it.  I’m getting ahead of myself.  I need to back up 48 hours.

Thursday – I was feeling as sexy as I wanted to be.  I put on a pair of pants that by the end of the day I was able to slide down unbuttoned and unzipped. I knew I was getting smaller.  I could feel it and I could see it.  My husband could see it too.  (I showed him my new pants trick). I ran 1 mile in 10 minutes on the treadmill (that’s 6mph in case you were wondering (humble brag inserted here)) for the first time ever! Thursday was a good day!

Friday – Brian took Jazmine with him to get the kids.  It’s an all day affair.  He left at 10AM and returned at 5PM.  I had an entire day to myself!  That day was filled with laundry and I didn’t leave the house to go to the gym until 4PM but still!  It was a good day.  I was able to catch up on some of my shows (have I mentioned how much I love On-Demand?). I had been having really great eating days; no over indulgence. However, that evening, I had a taste for something.  I wanted to feel full.  Not just satisfied but post-Thanksgiving-meal full.  I tried to wait it out.  I tried to snack on other things to pass the time before I could go to bed.  (You don’t just go to bed with a house full of excited children). I tried to bribe myself.  I completed an hour of the elliptical today on a higher level.  I had not done this in months.  I was so proud of myself and I tried to bribe myself with that information so I didn’t end up blowing all of my hard work.  That worked for a little bit.  I decided to treat myself with a homemade mocha frappuccino with whip.   It had fewer calories than Starbucks but it was still around 400 calories.  I had it to spare.  (I keep a food log I still had 200 calories left in my day that I could eat.   I thought I was finished.  I thought I had won.  Nope.  Brian mentioned Wendy’s and I felt that same old yearning for the post-Thanksgiving-meal full all over again.  To make a longer story short, I had three slices of an extra-large pizza.  Two slices had the cheese an pepperoni of two other slices of pizza on top of that.

Saturday – This day started off well.  I had a cup of tea and lentils and beans for breakfast.  We were outside most of the day.  Plenty of fresh air and walking; some walking carrying a toddler.  I baked most of the day (apple cake and apple fruit crisp).  I tasted what I baked but the amount I had could hardly be considered a snack.  It was literally a taste.  I made homemade chalupas for dinner and that is where I lost it.  I had one and a half homemade chalupas.  The food was good and felt fattening.  I didn’t even bother to log what I ate that day.  I didn’t want to see how many calories were in the chalupa bread.  Not to mention the cheese sauce I had on top.  It was too yummy to be good.

Sunday – I woke up determined to get back on track.  No more over indulgence of any kind.  Again, the morning went well.  I had tea in the morning, the topping of a slice of pizza, and some apple crisp. (The pizza topping wasn’t the best choice but I know.  I considered the apple to be healthy too plus I didn’t have a lot of time to make something and eat it before leaving for church). After service, I had a chewy peanut bar.  It was a great snack.  I tied me over for a while.  For lunch/dinner, I had lentils and beans.  I did add some of that yummy cheese sauce on top of it though.  That was supposed to be it.  If I got hungry again, I was to eat more lentils and beans.  My husband and mother-in-law ordered Thai.  I didn’t order anything.  See, I tried.  I tried to be good but deep down, I didn’t want to be good.  I wanted to eat.  So I did.  I ate half of the appetizer my husband had.  That wouldn’t have been so bad.  I was just thin pieces of beef.  But then, I ate some of what I baked. Not the apple crisp.  The apple cake.  There was half a sheet of cake left before I got to it.  I had two nicely sized pieces before sharing the rest of the pan with my husband.  I didn’t even use silverware.

Gluttony at it’s best. I was eating because I wanted to eat.  I wasn’t hungry.

After I ate the cake, I want to lay down for a bit.  I was waiting for the itis to kick in and take me to sleep.  It didn’t happen.  My mood changed and I couldn’t figure out why.  I laid in the bed and started watching Criminal Minds for an episode and a half and then I watched Dance Mom for at least two hours. I was so depressed after that.  Dance Mom was draining. I knew I needed to write a post for tomorrow so I sat at my laptop only to discover that my track pad was acting a fool.  I asked my husband to fix it which frustrated him because the arrow was  moving of its own accord.  I was two minutes from putting my toddler to bed 30 minutes past her bed time only to hear her say that she was hungry.  I was beyond frustrated at this point.  Husband fixed my computer, I wrote my post, feed the toddler, and put her in the bed. It wasn’t until I kissed Jazmine good night that I was able to put two and two together.  My eating depressed me.  The food I ingested, the reason why I ate the food, was not healthy.  It did not keep me on the path I was on that enabled me to do my pants trick.

All that wasn’t worth three slices of pizza, half of a chalupa, and the apple cake.

So now, realizing my server blunder, I am 1. Praying to God to remind me of this feeling both physically (because I am still full) and emotionally (I do not feel good about myself right now) the next time I desire the post-Thanksgiving-meal full feeling 2. That God will have mercy on me to be able to do my pants trick by Wednesday of this week.

So, back to my regular routine.  Currently, I am sipping on a 52oz concoction of water mixed with 5 seeped green tea bags, 2oz of acai berry juice, 1 tablespoon of apple cider vinegar, and a twist tube. Let the detoxing begin!


3 thoughts on “Food And Mood

  1. Beef

    I feel you on this post. Many times my overindulgence of food has made me upset. And then the salt gets poured in the wound when someone would make a comment about the amount of food I ate. They of course would never think it hurt me, I guess they always felt their comments helped. Each and everytime it annoyed the skin off of me and I wanted to either eat much more to make them mad, or throw the food on them, make a smart comment and storm out!!! But ultimately, the amount of food should not have been eaten and I was upset because it ate it. But you are on the right track. Acknowledge that you need to stick to healthy options and don’t try to “pack it all in”. Remember how good it feels to do the pants trick. And how it will feel to be able to walk around with a smaller tummy. Oh yeah baby!!

    1. Xara

      Thank you Beef. Food is not the devil but I do say the devil uses food as a temptation. I have started to talk back at the food! LOL! No, but seriously, I do.

      Words heal and words hurt. Some folks don’t honestly know their words have the opposite affect on the person they are trying to help. Maybe a conversation is in order.

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