Another Shortcoming of Mine. I See It, But I Be Darn If I Know How To Fix It.

Note to self.  Do not give advice unless you have taken it yourself.

Someone told me that unasked for advice is criticism.  I have tried to remain mindful of that when I want to give my advice aka opinion on something.  The flip side to that is when I am able to give advice, make sure I’ve followed it first.

On of my sisters has a bag for trash in her car.  It’s a plastic grocery bag that she puts car trash in; soda cans, tissues, wrappers, etc.  I get on her all the time about emptying that thing out.  The few times I’ve been in her car, each time, her trash has been full!  Pisses me off to no end because the trash bag is hooked on her gear shift and lies on the passenger side and my knees have no choice but to rest against it.  It’s so gross.

My van has been junky ever since I got it back.  My husband and I switched vehicles for a couple of months and I am now back to using the van as my primary mode of transportation.  There were many empty and half empty water bottles, various papers, mail, tissues, napkins, barrettes, a clip board, and many other things strewn across the floor of the van.  (In all honesty, the van was messy before we switched cars.  It was just worse when we switched it back).  I wasn’t happy with how it looked but it didn’t bother me enough to make cleaning it a top priority.  I would hate having to clear a space for someone to sit down or to clean out the trash from one of the five cup holders to put a fresh bottle of water into but I would never remember my feelings of disgust later when I would exit the van.  Three days ago, my husband mentioned something about the van’s messy state and that was it.  I cleaned it out.  We were returning home from an outing and I didn’t even go into the house first.  I grabbed a plastic bag that was in the van with some trash in it already, and cleaned it out.  I am no longer ashamed of my vans interior state.

One of my son’s, Tanya’s son, had a game last week.  My husband said he was going to try to make it to his game.  He asked if I was going to go.  I said no.  I would rather not be apart of anything concerning Tanya.  It is unfortunate but I don’t want to go to any events that I don’t necessarily have to attend.  I have not really thought about my recent choice of behavior since I decided it was what I wanted to do.  When I said no, I didn’t give it another thought.

While in the shower this morning, I was thinking about our schedule for the next six weeks or so.  We have received a lot of invitations to various things and I need to look at them all to see if we can attend because the RSVP are due soon.  That simple thought sparked a twisty complex road of thought sequence that landed me to think about a family I know of.  The family is evenly split by gender; equal males to females in the household. One parent preferred one gender more than the other.  The children grew up seeing the difference quite clearly.  The ironic thing is, the gender that the parent did not esteem are the ones looking out for the parent today. I thought to myself how unfortunate that was.  I was thinking how  “Isaac-Joseph” like that preference was and that preference among children should never be given.

That is when I heard myself.

Aren’t I being Isaac-Joseph-like in my preferences?  Aren’t I choosing not to go to a game because I don’t want to be around the aura of my children’s mother?  Aren’t I willing to go out of my way for my other son because I like his mother?

I have no answers to these questions.  Well, at least no answers I am willing to admit or accept because I know they are wrong.  I just don’t know how to come from under them.  Any thoughts?


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