I disregarded things out so quickly before. I formed opinions and stuck by them even when I was presented with more information that should have challenged or changed my thought process. Even though I’ve grown from that, I still find different layers of that same issue come up from time to time.
It used to be that all of my opinions were rock solid. They were fact. I held onto every area that I formed a thought about as of it were gospel. I was legalistic to the umpteenth degree. Much of that has been shed but a new frontier has opened up and with that, some of my former opinions are in question. I’m questioning them.
Time outs, there’s got to be something positive about Tonya, home births, and cloth diapers.
Time outs – I thought those were a joke. I had never seen them used effectively. I was spanked growing up and I responded well to it. I’ve been popping my toddler but it hasn’t had the same effect on her as I thought. It was as if she didn’t care if I popped her. I prayed and asked God for help. I was broken and contrite. I didn’t care what I had to do but the negative behavior was going to stop. I needed and wanted to know and do whatever was the most effective form of discipline for this child. I watched Super Nanny a few days ago and I saw how she did time out. Those children on that show behaved HORRIBLY! I figured if it worked for them, it could work for me. And guess what? It did. I’ve not abandoned popping altogether but it is no longer my first go-to form of discipline.
There’s got to be something positive about Tonya – I’ve tried to like this women but we don’t connect on any level. If I weren’t bonus mom to her children, I would have nothing to do with her and that’s the truth. After my bonus children’s last visit, I asked God to show me something positive about Tonya. She was true to form this past weekend: late as usual, not answering phones, being unnecessarily extra. But after she left, I realized how tiring it was to me to only have negative things to know about her. I thought there’s got to be something! Today, Mother’s Day, I receive a text from her number wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day. I’ve been so conditioned from her many years of behavior to never take anything at face value that I immediately thought that the only reason she text me a Mother’s Day wish is because I gave birth to a child and, in her mind, I am now a mother. As soon as I had the thought, I had to step back. I just asked the Lord to show me something and here was a very nice and pleasant text, one of several that I received that morning all saying the same thing, and I was downing it. I’ll take the text for what it was, let God continue to show me, and leave it at that.
Home births – I didn’t think I’d want to have a home birth. I’ve seen them and I always thought I’d feel safer in a hospital. Especially after having Jazmine, I was sure a home birth, a un-medicated home birth, would never be an option for me. Now, I’m not so sure. I think I’d like to try it. As with everything else that goes against the grain, I doubt I’d have the support of many family and friends because the subject never comes up when talking about having a baby. (No. I am not pregnant). It is a little scary because this is all unknown territory for me but I am game to looking into it.
Cloth diapering – I’ve heard the most popular reasons why some use cloth diapers. I did some research on them and saw the many options they have now for cloth diapering. As of last month, I wasn’t sold on the idea. I hated cleaning the potty bowl so I know washing out a reusable liner was not for me. I’m rethinking that now. My reason is purely economical. It is more cost-effective to cloth diaper and it would be rare that I would run out of diapers. Most of all, I think I want to try it to see if I can do it, if I like it, and if I can get in my own groove using them. Just like with time outs and home birthing, it doesn’t have to be for everybody. I just want to see if it’s for me.