“Over Grieving”

Ever since I got pregnant, I began “over” grieving for parents whose children pass especially if they die of a violent crime or terminal illness.  My heart aches for the Mommy who miscarried.  I go into a state of shock and disbelief whenever I hear of a young life cut short.  I don’t grieve simply because of the horror of it all.  I grieve because I think if I grieve hard enough for someone else’s loss, I won’t experience something similar.  I know that is a falsehood.  I have not been one to take someone else’s pain lightly.  I remain sympathetic towards all have a death in the family but over grieving doesn’t help them nor me.

I find it hard to enjoy my family when I know someone else is hurting from a loss in their’s .

I just saw that Phylicia Barnes was found dead today.  My heart aches for her mother.  My heart is heavy for all who knew her.  I don’t know how to grieve for someone else but enjoy my life and my reality.

I am not planning a funeral today.  I am not trying to imagine how I could possibly celebrate the next major holiday without one of my loved ones.  I am not trying to remember how my daughter smelled today.  I am not trying to remember what it felt like to have my husband hug me.  Those are all things to be grateful for, and I am.  I just don’t know how to get past this sadness that I feel every time I hear a tragedy or how to be sympathetic without trying to carry a load that is not mine to bear.

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