Bonus Mom Anxiety

Yes, I know what the Word says.  Capture your thoughts (2 Cor. 10:5), meditate on these things (Phil. 4: 7-9), and be anxious for nothing (Phil. 4:6).  Yup.  Got all that.  Understanding is one thing. Putting those puppies into practice is something else entirely.  It’s tough in “regular” life but it gets kicked up a couple notches in bonus mom life.

My (in-house) baby girl is going to be two soon.  My husband and I are knocking around ideas of what we want to do for her party.  We both dreamed of having our child(rens) birthday parties at our house but since we don’t have a home of our very own and our ark is not spacious enough to house us as it is let alone extended family and friends, we have had to look into other options.  I’ve been thinking and praying about where to have her birthday party or whether or not to have a formal birthday party period.  It is causing me a bit of anxiety.

If you are going to have a party, you have to book the venue quickly.  In our case, when Jazmine was born, so was 1/3 of the county’s population!  The hospital was packed!  I waited four hours in the recovery room in Labor and Delivery after my C-section before a regular room became available on the Maternity side.  I am sure there are many families in our area booking venue times and dates for their little ones already.

Having a formal birthday party for her second birthday wouldn’t have been such a big deal for me if it wasn’t for the fact that we didn’t have a big to-do for her first birthday.  We wanted to.  We wanted to do something bigger than what we did but the same factors we are facing this year are the same ones that prevented us last year.

We aren’t birthday party people per se.  I would love to have a formal birthday party (formal meaning invitations, having guests other than just family, etc) for the milestone birthdays (1, 5, 10, 13, 16, 18, 21).  Of course, we will celebrate her birthday every year God gives her.  The normal celebration for us is to have a dinner of her choice, a special activity, cake, and open her gifts.  Our normal celebrations require very minimal planning on our part.  Any family or friends that want to join us can but we won’t be sending out invitations.

I am not mourning over her first birthday.  I was pleased with the party we had for Jazmine last year.  It was smaller than we originally thought but it was perfect just the same.  I just thought this year would be different.

All three of my bonus children were present for their sister’s birthday last year.  There was no drama involved in getting them here.  The pick up went as scheduled.  No uninvited parties tried to make an appearance either.  I am anxious about whether last year was a fluke or if it will always be like that?

I don’t associate with foolishness.  If you cause drama, you are not welcome.  If you have the propensity for drama, you are not welcome.  I’ve been as clear as I can be on this without having to be poignantly blatant about it.  I hate confrontations.  I would rather folk just understand by my non verbal communication and move on.  (That seldom happens with anyone who hasn’t known me forever but, one can hope right?)  I am anxious about whether or not I will have to reiterate why folk aren’t welcome.  I am anxious about whether or not folk are going to want to cause a scene in front of my bonus children.  I am anxious about whether or not I will not mince words if I have to reiterate why things are the way they are.

All this mess causes unnecessary anxiety on top of “regular” life stuff.  I’d love to say that this only comes up once a year but that would not be true.  It comes up each and every major holiday, special occasion, planned vacation, you name it.  Anything we hold near and dear is up for a possibility for disaster.  Yes, I have gotten to the point where I understand that if my bonus children miss out on stuff because of adult foolishness, then they miss out on stuff.  I can’t help that.  But, does that mean we have to deal with that month after month, year after year?

It’s times like these when shutting down seems like a really good idea.

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2 thoughts on “Bonus Mom Anxiety

  1. Pingback: Ah Oh! « Amaness

  2. Pingback: Ah Oh! | Wifommy

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