Haughtiness is such a trap for me. It’s a vicious cycle; one that I am well aware of but find myself caught up in sooner or later. A simple compliment from can set it off. If someone says, “You look good! Are you losing weight?”, it’s over for me. I go off in La La land, viewing myself as hot stuff and land right back in big girl world plus a few pounds.
Earlier this week, I tried on a pair of pants I forgot I had. They were khaki material but I wasn’t sure I could fit them. I tried them on and to my delightful surprise, they fit! You couldn’t tell me anything. I was the hottest thing this side of the Mason Dixon. What did I do to celebrate? I over ate. Stupid, stupid, stupid! The very next day, I went to put on another pair of the same style pants and do you know those suckers didn’t fit anymore! I couldn’t pull it around my waist to save my life! It was a darn shame.
My haughtiness struggle is not exclusive to weight, though it is the most common area of difficulty for me. It can be anything that I strive to be good or better at. Just tonight, at belly dance class, there were two new students. From what I could tell, they had never taken belly dance before. They were just like me when I started in January this year. My first thought? I said to myself, “Well, I’m better than they are. I’m going to show out now.” Thankfully, I caught it this time. I didn’t let that thought process continue. I am far from a great dancer and even if I was, there is always room for improvement. There will always be someone who knows more than you.
I have started to really discipline myself on how to stop the haughty thoughts before they take root because once they take root, bad actions are sure to follow. Humility kills haughtiness. When I first hear a compliment, I say thank you and tell that person that I am trying to slim down some. When I notice that I may be more experienced in something compared to someone else, I encourage them in their endeavors. If they want help, I give it.
However, even exercising humility doesn’t guarantee me a win over a bought with haughtiness because the thoughts creep up again when I am alone. I might walk past a mirror and catch a glimpse of myself and say, “work it girl”, and instead of looking forward to eating less at my next meal or doing five more minutes of cardio the next day, I’ll think I have arrived and the rest of the weight will just fall off. That’s just a fantasy but I seem to get trapped in it every time. When I leave the presence of that person who is just starting out in something I’ve already done, I show off to myself the very thing I said I wasn’t going to be haughty about.
Haughtiness is VERY dangerous. Lucifer was kicked out of heaven for pride (Isa. 14: 11-14) and haughtiness is too similar to take lightly. Even with that thought in mind, it is still difficult for me to do. I know what’s right according to the Word of God. Now if I could just get this stupid flesh to do right!